Uncouth Industries

The King Of Kong (2007) 9/10!

2008-11-29T09:45:00.000-08:00

Now, I don't usually review documentaries here on the Uncouth blog but this time I just can't help it. The King of Kong is one of the best film I've seen this year, hell it might just be THE best film i've seen this year.

The King of Kong is about old school gaming. There is a group of people out there that are obsessed with old school arcade games and getting the highest score on em. Enter Billy. He's the champ. The man. The guy all the other guys look up to. He's got the highest score on Donkey Kong and has kept it since 1982. Its so high in fact, no one has even come close. Until now. Enter the challenger Steve. He quick and he's good. And he's going to beat Billy's score.

The King of Kong is an excellent David vs. Goliath story. Billy Mitchell is the man. He's the hot sauce king in his neck of the woods, he's successful, and he's got a wife with fake boobs. He's cocky and he's got everything all they other old-school gamers wished they had. He is a god on earth. Steve Wiebe is a man who has never been great at anything. His band never went anywhere, he blew the championships for his baseball team in college, and he got laid off from Boeing the same day he bought a house for his family. Every time this guy tries to succeed he gets screwed somehow. This time, with Donkey Kong, this are gonna be different right? Wrong. Every time he tries to beat the score something happens, and when he finally does beat the score, Billy Mitchell happens. The film does a great job of drawing out the characters of these two men. You can't help but root for the underdog Steve, and hate Billy Mitchell. The great thing is that at the beginning of the film we see Billy Mitchell through the eyes of his peers, as a god. But as the film progresses we start to see faults in his character and inconsistencies between what he says and what he does. The film doesn't demonize him, it just gives him enough rope to hang himself. This film is the real Rocky. I didn't want it to end. I was excited, scared, sad, and jubilant. I felt the same way that Steve felt along his journey and that's saying alot. What an amazing piece of cinema.

Everyone should see this film. Even if you hate video games and documentaries and guys named Steve. Its that good. I promise. Give me more!!

Overall - 9/10

Beyond The Door (1974) 4/10

2008-11-29T09:40:00.001-08:00

Beyond The Door is supposed to be the best of the 70's Exorcist rip-offs. If that's true then they might as well bury the rest.

Beyond the door is about a pregnant woman who is having the child of the devil and becomes possessed.

This one's gonna be short because the film is crap. The acting is terrible and flat, as is the direction. It looks like anyone could have directed this film, in fact if ANYBODY else had done it, it probably would have had at least an ounce of style. Watching the film is like watching paint dry but not as fun. Flat lighting, bland colors, and boring shots. Snooze. The dialogue is equally bad and uninspired. Oh, did i mention unbelievable and uninteresting? Yeah, the film has both of those in spades.

Avoid at all costs.

Overall- 4/10

Transsiberian (2008) 7/10

2008-11-29T09:21:00.000-08:00

I love Brad Anderson's films. Session 9 is one of my all-time favorite films. The Machinist was great, and his entry in the Masters of Horror was easily one of the best. Needless to say I had high expectations for his newest film, Transsiberian.

Transsiberian is about an American couple taking the transsiberian railway that get mixed up with drug smuggling, murder, and Russian police.

Transsiberian is a subtle, tense, thriller that tries to put the audience in the shoes of some very naive and troubled people. The photography is stunning and the performances by Ben Kingsley and Woody Harrelson are amazing. Looks like Woody is finally back to playing a role that isn't an absolute scumbag, instead a sensitive nice guy. The pacing in the film is pretty slow going. Nothing really happens for the first 45 minutes or so. We spend that time getting to know the characters and what motivates them. The problem is that although I had the attention span for it, I feel that it wasn't necessary to for it to have been so long. When things start happening though the tension is so thick, i felt like i couldn't breathe. The problem is that the film doesn't go for the throat. I know that sounds bad but the film ends too nicely. Sure there's some really grisly interrogation scenes that will keep me out of Russia, but the climax doesn't top it. The film's intensity peaks before its final climax and it left me feeling a bit let down. Everything gets wrapped up neatly at the end of the film and I felt that it was just too clean and neat. A film like this should have ragged edges.

So, Transsiberian is a good entry into Brad Anderson's catalogue but not a great entry as I had hoped.

Gore-mild

Nudity-none

Overall - 7/10

Stuck (2008) 7/10

2008-11-29T09:08:00.000-08:00

Stuart Gordon is an interesting director. He became popular in the horror genre after directing Re-Animator and From Beyond and recently he's made some really horrorific films, like the excellent Edmond and the disturbing King of the Ants, but not really horror films. Stuck is another one of these and is certainly the most horrrific film he's done in years.

Stuck is about an old folks home nurse that gets drunk and accidentally hits a man crossing the street. The man flies into the windshield headfirst becoming Stuck. The nurse freaks out and parks her car in her garage, leaving the man in the windshield alive. We spend the rest of the film watching the man suffer in the windshield trying to get out while the nurse tries to figure out what to do with him. And the most f-d up thing about it? Its based on a TRUE story.

To say the film is unpleasant is an understatement. Seeing a poor guy stuck in broken glass for 90 minutes is pretty damn grisly. It would be easy to make the nurse into a monster, which she is, but the script decides to show her as a normal, if screwed up, person. We don't feel sympathy for her but at the same time we can understand why she decides to leave a dying man stuck in her garage. The film rides that fine line between believeable and unbelievable and for the most part stays on the believable side. The acting here is great and the pacing is quick as well.

Gordon has created a film that is watchable yet grisly, interesting but appalling. Its hard to watch but hard not to finish. Unlike most of the grisly horror flicks that have come out in the past few years that the viewer can shut off and forget about, Stuck sticks with you. Remember kids, always cross in a cross walk, otherwise some drunk person is gonna hit you and you'll die a slow painful death.

Gore-mild/medium

Nudity-mild

Overall - 7/10

20 Years After (2007) 7/10

2008-11-29T08:56:00.000-08:00

I'm always on the look out for interesting indie flicks that pass below most people's radar. Usually theres a damn good reason why no one's seen it, but 20 years later deserves a bit more attention.

Set in the near future, 20 years after the destruction of human civilization, a young girl is the first woman to become pregnant since the fall of man. Now its up to a band of ragtag survivors to get her safely beyond the blight, searching for an unknown man who's been broadcasting a radio show. Along the way they're hunted by an evil group of survivors that want the child for their own nefarious deeds.

So the synopsis of the film sounds alot like another post apocalyptic sci-fi film i won't mention here, but the film is actually quite different. Sure it's about a pregnant girl in a post apocalyptic world but here there is no evil government. Civilization is already gone. Think the road warrior. On a tiny budget the film is able to create a believable world gone wrong with unique characters, some beautiful photography and well seasoned actors. The plot moves along at a quick pace and is believable.

20 years after is a pretty good post-apocalyptic film about camaraderie, death, and birth. I don't know why in this day and age there aren't more post-apocalyptic films coming out. I can almost hear the Four Horsemen as they approach...

Gore-none

Nudity-none

Overall - 7/10

Jack Brooks: Monster Slayer (2008) 7/10

2008-11-16T15:50:00.000-08:00

I love 80's horror flicks, especially late 80's. The films from that period were just so damn fun. Great creatures all created without cgi, heaps of gore and an optimistic vibe. Jack Brooks: Monster Slayer attempts to recapture this time and does a great job doing it with out being redundant.

Jack Brooks is a man with anger problems. Hes a really good guy but lets his temper get the best of him. It all started when he was a kid and saw his family eaten by a monster. Instead of telling people about it, he bottles up the painful memory causing him to explode an inappropriate times. When his teacher (played brilliantly by Robert Englund) finds an ancient evil black heart and subsequently turns into a monster, its up to Jack to use his anger to save the day.

Its very hard write a character that's deeply flawed but still lovable but this film does it very well. I really felt for Jack and was always on his side. His anger issues are delt with in a humorous fashion, mostly he just yells alot, no wife beating or dog kicking here. So yeah, he gets pissed, but he's pretty harmless. Robert Englund does a great job as the wacky science teacher and honestly turns in his best performance in years. The monsters are all very unique and all done with practical effects, no cgi here! The gore is pretty good and the pacing is fast and fun. The film is a pleasure to watch. The only problem is there aren't quite enough monsters and it takes much too long for the science teacher monster to make an appearance. This makes the film feel uneven and drops it from what would have been an 8 or a 9 to a 7 out of 10.

Fun and fast paced Jack Brooks: Monster Slayer is a great indie horror flick that demands a sequel, hell, I'd watch a slew of em if they were all done at this high level of quality. Check it out if you miss the fun 80's horror flicks as much as I do.

Gore - medium

Nudity- none

Overall - 7/10

Cannibal (2006) 7/10

2008-11-16T15:28:00.000-08:00

Any reader of this blog knows that I like extreme films. Often I go out of my way to find the sickest most extreme films I can get my grubby little hands on. Cannibal is one of these films and its a doozy.

Cannibal is about a man obsessed with the idea of eating another man alive. He scours the internet until he finally finds someone that wants to be eaten. The eater invites the eaten to a weekend of hardcore sex, alcohol, and of course castration and cannibalism. The sickest part of this whole thing? Its based on a true story.

Given the subject matter, and the obviously niche audience that would want to subject themselves to it, the film has a small budget. But, that small budget is used very wisely. Sure its shot on 24p hd video, but the compositions are beautiful. As the film progresses the overall visual strength of the film grows, so by the end of the film its at its height of quality. This is a unique method of drawing the audience in as the film gets more and more perverse it gets easier and easier to watch. The acting is in German with subtitles but from what i can tell, the guys did a great job and had a heap of courage to pull off such a graphic and offensive film. To say the film has some nudity in is to say willy wonka makes some candy. About halfway through the film its as if the actors lost their pants. Once again, it takes a lot of courage to be naked so much in a film, especially for a man. The gore is very realistic and rather nauseating. The image of one man trying to bite off another's genitalia and failing because its too tough, is something i doubt I'll forget anytime soon. In fact, there's several images in this film that will be burned on my brain for quite some time.

Needless to say this film is not for everyone. For most straight males just seeing gay sex is enough to make us feel uncomfortable, let alone where one is trying to eat the other in a sexually demented way. Castration is another topic we'd rather not think about, especially when it involves watching another man fry up our severed manhood and eat it before our eyes. I honestly can't believe I could sit through the whole thing, and thinking about it reminds me of the first time i watched Cannibal Holocaust and Faces of Death. Shameful, that's how i feel. Check it out if you hate yourself.

Gore-high

Nudity-high

Overall - 7/10

Exorcist III (1990) 7/10

2008-11-16T15:11:00.000-08:00

We all know that The Exorcist is one of the greatest horror films ever made. We also know that the Exorcist II is one of the worst. I've tried watching that one on several occasions and can never finish it. Understandably i've stayed away from all other films in the series because of it. About a year ago i read William Peter Blatty's Legion which is what the film is based on. The film is also directed by Blatty and the screenplay was written by him too. Since the book was good and since Blatty had so much control i decided to give it a shot.

The Exorcist III takes place about 15 years after the original film and bodies are starting to turn up that mimic the killing pattern of the executed gemini killer. Enter detective Kinderman from The Exorcist, this time played by George C. Scott, to solve the case. His sleuthing leads him to a hospital where a mental patient that looks exactly like the murdered priest from the original film starts to tell him details about the killings that no one knows.

The film is beautifully photographed with an elegance rarely seen in horror films. The pacing is slow but the scares are great and the third act is amazing. Well acted, written, and directed, I'm surprised this film is more often spoken about in horror circles. It even features Chucky himself, Brad Dourif. I will say however, it is nothing like the Exorcist. More then anything the film just features the same characters dealing with another supernatural occurance. The film isn't the second coming of the Exorcist and originally it was going to be called Legion, not The Exorcist III.

So, if you like well acted, well directed, atmospheric horror films and have a bit of patience, check it out, just don't expect anything like The Exorcist, because you won't get it here.

Gore-none

Nudity-none

Overall - 7/10

The Entity (1981) 6/10

2008-11-16T14:47:00.000-08:00

During the post Exorcist ghost craze of the late 70's and early 80's there was a slew of unremarkable possession/haunting films that every studio was throwing at the horror audience. The Entity is a unique film in its subject matter that will always keep it from being lost in the shuffle. What could this unique story be? Well, we are talking about the early 80's height of nihilism and brutality so of course its about ghost rape. Yup. You read right.

The Entity is based on a true story about a single mother that moves into a new home with her 3 children only to be repeatedly beaten and violated by a group of ghosts inhabiting her home. She calls upon the help of a psychiatrist that thinks she's crazy and a group of paranormal investigators. Their solution? Make a model of the house and hook up some liquid nitrogen hoses so when the ghost appears they can freeze it?!

Stylistically the film mirrors any other typical low budget horror flick made at the time but they went so far as to create fake breasts and the illusion of hands unseen fondling them! Yeah the director decided to leave nothing to imagination. The rapes are graphic and highly disturbing. The realism is pretty damn grisly. The film runs at a slow pace but given the subject matter the slow burn works well. The attacks increase in frequency and ferocity as the film progresses and the films pace needs to be on the slow side to give it time to build the tension. The acting is pretty good here but as i mentioned before stylistically the film is bland. There is no conclusion to the film either. The family just decides to move away and we're told that they still experienced attacks but were less frequent, just like the ending of the original Amityville film.

The Entity is not for the faint of heart or easily offended. The attacks are brutal and graphic, and pretty damn frightening too. For fans of 80's sleaze and exorcist rip offs.

Gore-none

Nudity-medium

Overall - 6/10

The Rage (2007) 4/10

2008-11-16T14:37:00.000-08:00

The Rage is directed by Robert Kurtzman of KNB effects fame and director of Wishmaster. I really like wish master in all its cheesy glory because there was a film unafraid to be gory in a time in the 90s when gore was looked down upon in mainstream films. I didn't have high hopes for The Rage but I thought it would at least be fun. Sadly it isn't.

The Rage is about a mad scientist that creates a "rage" virus that he plans to unleash upon the earth, and then save the earth with an antidote, thus becoming the worlds biggest hero. Of course he becomes infected and the virus gets out infecting the locals of a small forest town. How will a bunch of incredibly annoying and unrealistic college kids save the day?

The professor is played by the Wishmaster himself Andrew Divoff and he's the only reason to watch the film. He's a great horror guy and it's a shame he was never given a fair shake. He could have been the next Robert Englund, but I digress. Once again here's a film that could have been good if the main characters were tolerable. They're not. We've got the token black guy, the jock, the slut, the prep, the nerd. Bland city. Of course they don't get along and they spend most of the film arguing. Sure there's tons of gore in the film, i wouldn't expect anything less but the gore aint that great. See, Kurtzman didn't do the gore. He hired someone else to do it. Its ok, but i was expecting some KNB status stuff. I guess the film was so low budget he couldn't afford himself to do the gore! The plot is a bit slow and by the end i just didn't give a damn about anything that was happening. Perhaps in about 10 years this will be re-released as a hidden gem and age will look fondly on the movie as so many overlooked horror flicks from the 80's are now. I'm sure no one cared about The Burning when it came out but looking back, its actually really good. Who knows.

In the end The Rage is bland and follows a path traveled far to many times. Bummer.

Gore-high

Nudity-mild

Overall - 4/10

Corpse Mania (1981) 7/10

2008-11-16T14:09:00.000-08:00

Back in high school I used to love cheesy kung fu flicks. Still do, but its been a while since i've made the time to check any out. My favorite studio was, and still is, Shaw Brothers. During their initial run they made hundreds of great kung fu flicks in all their cheesy glory. Until recently I thought all they did was kung fu, apparently they dabbled in horror too and Corpse Mania is one of em.

After a man's wife dies he decides to keep her in his house and make love to her corpse and stay with her always. He gets caught and flees and has become obsessed with sleeping with the dead. When a string of prostitutes are found murdered and raped Inspector Chang is called on the case to find the necrophiliac.

Corpse Mania is certainly has the most disgusting plot i've ever seen in a shaw film. Gone are the epic fight scenes and crazy weapons. No sorcerers or kung fu masters. Just a gritty thriller that borders on the perverse. We never see our killer befouling the dead, thank god, but we do see him caressing and fondling the dead. The film also sports a few graphic gore scenes as well, and the effects are pretty impressive. The pace of the film is quick enough and the directing is quite good for the grindhouse. Vibrant colors are found throughout, the influence of Italian giallos is clearly seen.

Surprisingly dark and creepy this pre-cat III Chinese horror flick is a wonderful surprise coming from the Shaw Brothers. Check it out if you dig extreme Chinese cinema like Dr. Lamb or to get a peek at the other side of Shaw Brothers Studios.

Gore-medium

Nudity-medium

Overall - 7/10

The Vanguard (2008) 6/10

2008-11-16T12:10:00.000-08:00

I'm always on the search for that new indie horror gem. I have to sift through quite a few crapfests, as any reader of this blog can attest to, but every now and then I find something really interesting. The Vanguard is one of these films.

Set in the future evil corporations have created the ultimate soldier called biosyns. The problem is that the biosyns are basically zombies and their plague can be spread. Enter human slave soldiers sent to wipe out every biosyn before they wipe out humanity. One lone non-slave human has survived in the wilderness surrounded by biosyns due to a genetic immunity. A rebel slave soldier finds this sole survivor and realizes his immunity is the hope for mankind. Now he must get this survivor to the authorities before the biosyns get them, and before the slave soldiers find the rebel and kill him for rebelling. Whew, quite a complicated plot huh?

The problem with the Vanguard is that the story is very complicated, but the plot isnt. We have to sit through a huge opening monologue to explain the story, but then the plot is really simple. Guy in woods fights zombies. He's immune to the plague. Now he must get to the authorities to save the human race from infection. That's really it. But instead we have to learn about Biosyns and evil corporations, wars, soldiers, conditioning camps etc. Its way too much back story for a simple film. That said the film does work well. Good action scenes that are competently choreographed, decent acting, and beautiful post color saturation.

The film is short and sweet and works well, especially given the limited budget. They're not reinventing the wheel here but doing something new with an old idea, and doing it well.

Gore-medium

Nudity- none

Overall - 6/10

Terror Train (1980) 4/10

2008-11-16T12:02:00.000-08:00

After seeing Halloween and The Fog I figured a horror flick with Jamie Lee Curtis is a safe bet. After Prom Night, I reconsidered. With Terror Train, I'm wondering if she even read the script.

A mean spirited college prank sends a student to the loony bin, but when he gets out, he only has one thing on his mind. Revenge. The pranksters rent a train and have a big graduation party, but the loony killer has snuck on and starts picking them off one by one.

I had high hopes for this one. On many top 20 slasher lists, Terror Train has quite a reputation. A reputation undeserved. Moderately acted and blandly directed there's nothing here for a horror fan to really sink his fangs into. No real gore to speak of, irritating characters, a slow boring pace, and way too much David Copperfield cameos. Yeah, that David Copperfield. Silly magicians that take themselves too seriously do not a horror film make. The film is utterly forgettable in every way. Next.

Gore-very mild

Nudity- none

Overall - 4/10

Mother of Tears (2007) 5/10

2008-11-16T11:44:00.000-08:00

I love Dario Argento. I especially love Susperia. He was the first Italian horror director i got into and through his films i gained an appreciation for giallos and have since looked deeper into the genre and had a ton of fun while doing it. Even though the guy hasn't done anything good in about two decades I still had high hopes for the conclusion of the three mothers trilogy started by Susperia. I heard it was terrible but wouldn't believe it. How could the master of Italian horror's film be bad? Very, that's how.

Mother of Tears is about an ancient coffin found in the graveyard of a small church. The coffin is sent to a museum where once opened it unlocks unspeakable evil. Now the archaeologist, played by Dario's daughter Asia Argento, is being hunted by a cult of supernatural worshippers that are after the secrets found within the coffin. At least I think that's what the film is about.

To say the film is a mess is an understatement. Personally I had a hard time following just what the hell was going on. Perhaps repeat viewings would help unlock the film's mysteries much like Susperia, but unlike Susperia, its not worth watching more then once. The film lacks almost all of the wonderful style that Argento is known for. I'm guessing he didn't want to make a film with a dated look and instead made his film like any other director would. The lack of style here is only trumped by the lack of acting ability. Every actor here does a terrible job. There is indeed gore, but after reading all the articles leading up to the films release, i was thinking we were going to have the second coming of Dead Alive. Nope. A few gross out scenes and that's about it. The story itself isn't easily understood nor is it easily enjoyed.

Mother Of Tears is strictly for hardcore Argento fans. If you haven't seen any of his work, start with Susperia, Opera, Deep Red, or The Bird With The Crystal Plumage.

Gore-medium

Nudity-mild

Overall - 5/10

Sundown: The Vampire In Retreat (1990) 7/10

2008-11-16T11:29:00.000-08:00

Like many horror fans, I love Bruce Campbell. I cut my horror teeth on Army Of Darkness and eventually discovered Evil Dead 1 & 2 which led me deeper down the rabbits hole. Ever since that time as wee child i knew that Sundown: The Vampire In Retreat existed. I searched high and low but couldn't find it anywhere. It was impossible to find on ebay since it was in its infancy and no local rental places had it in stock. Fast forward to a few months ago, out of nowhere, the film is finally released on dvd. Was it worth the wait? Yes.

Sundown is about a small town in the middle of nowhere that serves as a haven for a group of vampires. Shedding their homicidal behaviour they get their blood through a complicated process that creates artificial blood. Now they can finally live in peace and no longer have to hunt by night and live hand to mouth. The problem? Some of the vampires are bored and want to go back to the old ways so they sabotage the machine and prepare for war.

The film is wonderfully silly and light hearted and a true pleasure to watch. The general atmosphere is akin to aforementioned Army Of Darkness. Now, Bruce Campbell plays a fairly small role here. He plays the great great great grandnephew of Van Helsing. David Carradine plays the head vampire and there's a slew of character actors that round out the rest of the cast. The pacing is great and although the film is on the long side it doesn't feel long. The production value is very high here as well. The film was shot in stunning 35mm film using cranes and aerial shots, jibs, dolly shots, you name its probably represented here. The film was actually shot in muab Utah so the scenery is truly a feast for the eyes as well.

Sundown: The Vampire in Retreat is a breath of fresh air in a time where nihilism, hyper violence and cynicism are the norm in the horror world. Its so refreshing to see a well acted, beautifully directed horror film that's light hearted and fun. This is a must see for Bruce Campbell fans and fans of comedy/horror films in general.

Gore-mild

Nudity- none

Overall - 7/10

13: Game of Death (2006) 8/10

2008-11-02T19:38:00.000-08:00

It seems that Dimension Extreme predominately releases foreign horror flicks that are just bland enough to appeal to a broad audience so they can rake it in. 13: Game Of Death is not one of these flicks.

13: Game of Death is a Thai film about a guy who's lost his beautiful girlfriend, his job, and his money. He needs a miracle. What he gets is a new reality game show ala fear factor, but gone horribly wrong. There are 13 tasks he must complete, each level earning him more money but each subsequent level being more and more illegal and inhuman. If he fails or quits he loses all he's won and if he tells anyone he automatically loses. Tasks include eating a plate of feces, physically assaulting a stranger, killing an innocent dog, the list goes on.

What we have here is an intelligent film that exposes our global culture of greed and exploitation for the sake of entertainment. Reality shows like Flavor Of Love and its numerous spinoffs encourage contestants to be greedier, meaner, sluttier, and more conniving then anyone else. Lying, cheating, backstabbing and black mailing are the order of the day. The cesspool of reality television, whether it be on cable or on a network, is getting filthier all the time. It's so refreshing to see a film that examines this trend and exposes it for all its society destroying influence. The film is very well acted and the script is fast paced and engrossing. Each time he's asked to do something terrible for a heap of money the director asks us, where would we draw the line? How far is too far, and I think thats wonderful. The film pushes our buttons, but for a reason. It's not just another Hostel clone gross out fest. There's real thought behind it. The film is masterfully directed with great production value and believable sets. Step aside pang brothers, theres a new horror director in Thailand that puts you guys to shame.

Horror films can be insightful, poignant and intelligent. They don't all have to be remake crapfests. Its films like 13: Game of Death that make me truly love the horror genre head and shoulders above any other film genre. Do yourself a favor, rent this flick, if you've got the stomach for it that is.

Gore - medium

Nudity-none

Overall - 8/10

Cannibal Terror (1981) 5/10

2008-11-02T19:28:00.000-08:00

Cannibal Terror was one of the rarest of all the Video Nasties banned in the 80s in England. I've watched somewhere in the neighborhood of about 65 of the original 74 nasties and whenever another one comes out I have to see it. I'm not so sure this one was so essential.

Cannibal Terror, a Spanish film, is about a group of criminals that decide to kidnap a little girl and hide out at one of their rich friend's houses and wait for the ransom. When the guys decide to rape their friend's wife he unleashes a cannibal tribe on them just as the parents of the little girl arrive to take her back by force. I didn't know there were cannibal tribes in Spain but go figure, you learn something new every day.

So the film is pretty much garbage. Terrible acting, washed out colors, despite attempts to restore the film to some degree by the publishing company, unconvincing makeup and very little gore. Hey, sounds like Jess Franco's Cannibal! There are a few hilariously bad lines in the film and what few scenes of gore there are, are actually pretty graphic. Lots of butcher shop offal covered in red food die stuck into a pretty convincing human carcass. The pacing is terribly slow and the ending drags on for what seems like hours. Obviously the director had to make a 90 minute movie regardless of how short the script was.

Nothing really amazing here, typical early 80's eurosleaze. Its worth checking out for cannibal film aficionados and Video Nasty completists, otherwise check out cannibal ferox and zombie holocaust for better cannibal gut munching action.

Gore-medium

Nudity-some

Overall - 5/10

Just Before Dawn (1981) 5/10

2008-11-02T19:20:00.000-08:00

Just Before Dawn is yet another film in the slasher in the woods sub genre that dominated 1980-1982. Given its notoriously grisly reputation, Just Before Dawn didn't meet my expectations.

Here we go again, by the numbers kids go to camp out in the woods to have sex and do drugs but are stalked and killed by a freak/monster/killer/psycho family. Nothing new here.

Even though the film features academy award winning actor George Kennedy most of the acting here sucks, including his. My guess is '81 was a lean year for the Cool Hand Luke alumni. All the gore here is off camera and since the acting blows, i didn't really care about the characters untimely demises. The killers themselves were a fairly creepy blend of hillbilly redneck and mentally retarded misfit but nothing really out of the ordinary. The directing is bland and the pacing is about par for the style and time it was made in. Nothing new, nothing terrible.

Just Before Dawn is nothing of real merit, just another slasher in the woods flick. If thats your thing, check it out, but make sure you see The Burning first. Thats a much better addition to the sub-genre.

Gore-mild

Nudity-mild

Overall - 5/10

The Fall (2007) 9/10

2008-11-02T19:12:00.000-08:00

The Fall was directed by Tarsim, the same guy that brought us the almost-great film The Cell. With strong visuals and a crappy script, The Cell could have been amazing, unfortunately it just became a curiosity. The Fall firmly plants Tarsim as a director to watch with a script deserving of his unique style.

The Fall is set in the early 1900's in a hospital. A wounded stuntman sits and wishes for death until a little girl with a broken arm finds him and asks for a story. Figuring he can gain her confidence and get her to bring him enough pills to finally do himself in, he begins to tell an amazing allegorical story of epic proportions.

The Fall, as with The Cell, is beautifully directed. Amazing sets, vibrant colors, extravagant costumes, mystery, action, romance, fantasy creatures, this one's got it all. A kaleidoscopic journey through the man's painful life as told through a fable. Tarsim masterfully draws us into the epic while also pulling us back to reality to draw us closer to the characters, making both plots so much richer and meaningful. Truly an amazing piece of cinema that slipped below most people's radar last year, much like The Fountain did the year before. Powerfully written, masterfully directed, and well acted this is a film all movie aficionados should check out.

Overall - 9/10

Curdled (1996) 6/10

2008-11-02T18:59:00.000-08:00

Once again i've rented a flick from the rue-morgue horror 101 list of unknown gems. Curdled is not a film i would consider a gem, but toy jewelry.

Produced by none other then Quinton Tarintino at the height of his post-pulp fiction popularity, Curdled is about a woman obsessed with death and murder. She gets a job cleaning up crime scenes and discovers that one of her clients was murdered by a notorious serial killer. She becomes obsessed with the house and tries to figure out how and why the serial killer did his victims in, only she's not alone in the house. The killer is still there, watching her every move!

The film plays as a black comedy and all the murders are grotesquely funny. The director goes out of his way to make the lead character likeable, understandable and harmless. We don't see her as a freak or a pervert, just curious. The characters are watchable and the acting is pretty good as well as the direction. All the gore and murder is off camera which is disappointing given the subject matter. Nothing in any department that truly stands out though. The problem with the film is that the pacing is terrible. Our lead actress only meets the killer in the last 15 minutes of the film and its too little too late. The film feels like it has a short first act, an unbearably long second act, and a much too short third act. That being said it was amusing but not worth going too far out of your way to check it out.

Gore - none

Nudity - none

Overall - 6/10

Exte: Hair Extensions (2006) 6/10

2008-09-08T08:45:00.004-07:00

So, I've been pretty burnt on Japanese films for quite a while now. I watched way too many of em and simply lost my appetite for them. A few months ago I watched Sion Sono's Suicide Club and really liked it. When I heard he had another film coming out, a film about killer hair extensions, I knew I had to check it out.

Exte: Hair Extensions is about an unknown cadaver thats found and transported to the local morgue. The mortician cuts off all her hair to sell as hair extensions and finds that her hair still grows even after death! In fact, the more he cuts the more it grows! Enter a hair salon that the man sells his wears to and the hair begins to have a mind of its own, killing its wearers. How can they stop the blood thirsty hair before it grows more and takes over the world?

Exte: Hair Extensions has the type of bizarre plot that we've come to expect from Japan. I was sold on the idea immediately. The film is very beautifully directed with warm colors and nice camera set ups. The problem is there isn't really that much hair killing action. Most of the film is dedicated to a subplot involving one of the hair dressers, her sister and her sister's daughter. See the daughter is getting abused and neglected so the hair dresser takes the girl in and teaches her how to enjoy life. The crazy hair extensions take a back seat to the melodrama here and really, crazy hair killing is what i signed up for. Not a mushy movie about a dysfunctional family. When the hair killing happens its very well done with a mix of cgi and practical effects that seem pretty damn realistic. There just isn't enough of it for me.

In the end Exte: Hair Extensions has a very unique plot but in its execution almost comes off more as a melodrama between family members then a blood thirsty hair killing b-movie. Its a pretty good film, but not great, because of it.

Gore-mild

Nudity-none

Overall - 6/10

Fingerprints (2006) 4/10

2008-09-08T08:45:00.003-07:00

When one of the selling points for Fingerprints was that it starred a girl from MTV's Laguna Beach, I should have known this would blow. Should have...but didn't.

Fingerprints is a ghost story of sorts about a high school girl Melinda who moves to a small town. The local legend says that a group of kids were riding in a school bus when the bus got stuck on railroad tracks just as a train came and of course killed them all. To this day if you let your car get stuck on the tracks the ghosts of the little kids will push you car into safety. When Melinda's friends start dying under strange circumstances she sets out to find the truth about the legend and about the murders.

Let me begin by saying I am obviously not the person this film was marketed to. It has a cast of cute teenage kids straight from day time television trying to dig into a myth Nancy Drew style. The film oozes its intent to draw in teen girls, and teen girl I am not. From the soft lighting to the ridiculously unfair portrayal of Melinda's parents, to the teen relationship melodrama, to the medium dose of gore. Wait....what? Gore? In a teeny bob movie? Yup. Totally out of place and unnecessary there is indeed a handful of pretty gory sequences. Maybe its to draw in a few teeny boyfriends to sit down and watch the film as well? I don't know. All I can say is that the gore feels totally out of place here, as out of place as I felt watching it. Beyond the fact that the film obviously wasn't made for my demographic the script here is terrible. Sure its got bad dialogue and a beyond mind numbingly terrible ending but the actions of the characters as well as the whole structure of the film are terrible. Hell it's even revealed that there was no train accident in the town. So why do the kids push the cars over the tracks? There's plenty of giant holes like this in the film and by the end of the picture it's almost completely unraveled. Overall the film feels pretty bland as well. The lighting is boring as are the shot setups.

Fingerprints is a bland film obviously made for the teen market but with poorly done and questionably placed gore that seems to be the odd piece of the puzzle that doesn't fit. The script is very poorly written and the acting is bad. Next.

Gore-mild/medium

Nudity-mild

Overall - 4/10

Inglorious Bastards (1978) 8/10

2008-09-08T08:45:00.002-07:00

I randomly stumbled upon Inglorious Bastards while trawling amazon.com for new releases. I'm glad I did, because Inglorious Bastards is damn good.

Set during WWII a group of military prisoners whose crimes range from deserting the front lines to murder, are being transported from a base to the brig. During their transport the convoy is attacked by a German war plane killing most of the prisoners and guards. Now the prisoners are out on their own. Their own countrymen hate them and want them dead, and the enemy is all around them. Now they must fight their way to the Switzerland border to escape the war all the while finding themselves behind enemy lines and from one bad situation to another.

Inglorious Bastards takes a familiar theme found in more notable films like the Dirty Dozen and Kelly's Hero's and stands tall among them. Filled with great action, a fun script, and memorable characters, I couldn't help but have a blast watching it. An Italian film with American actors it fits the spaghetti western mold perfectly. Staring Bo Stevenson and Fred Williamson that acting is pretty damn good too. Who doesn't love a rag tag group of guys smashing Nazis? Its cinema gold. It's been a while since I've watched any war films but the strength of this film has renewed my interested in the genre, so look for more war reviews in the future. I highly recommend this fun, interesting, manly movie!

Gore-mild

Nudity-mild

Overall - 8/10

Us Sinners (2008) 7/10

2008-09-08T08:45:00.001-07:00

There's nothing like a microbudget horror film done right. Its a rare breed, but it does exist. Us Sinners is one of those films.

Us Sinners is about a socially inept man named Tim. Tim works for an office cleaning company by day, and by night trawls the streets looking for prostitutes to lure and slaughter. Living with an overbearing mother and mocked at work Tim is the perfect example of how serial killers are born.

Taking its ques from such films as Maniac and Henry, Us Sinners is certainly a disturbing ride. Filled with intense scenes acted surprisingly well considering the lack of budget the film is at times difficult to watch. The actor playing Tim did a great job of creating a simultaneously feeble and nervous character as well as dangerous and frightening. Remember that weird kid in school that always got picked on that you thought might be building bombs in his basement? That's Tim. Competently directed and fairly well paced, I never found myself bored and I cared about the characters throughout. Tim starts out as a killer but continues to spiral out of control as the film progresses, making an interesting if disturbing ride. There does seem to be a strange obsession with feces throughout the film with a few scenes involving Tim's mother forcing him to go drop one. I guess its just another level of control that the mother exerts over her son. The logline of the film, "The carnal climax is so disturbing it will leave you breathless," is indeed true. I won't give it away here but it pushes the film up and out of the generic serial killer realm.

Working with a very limited budget the director George Snow is able to create an interesting and disturbing film that certainly shocked this viewer with a rather explosive ending. If you get the chance, check it out. Mr. Snow may be onto something here and may be a new talent to keep your eye on.

Gore-medium

Nudity-mild

Overall - 7/10

Home Sick (2003) 4/10

2008-09-08T08:45:00.000-07:00

To me, Home Sick came out of nowhere. I was unfamiliar with the producer and director but apparently these guys have established themselves with quite a rep. The director has done several features including Pop Skull and the producer worked with Tobe Hooper on Mortuary. Home Sick is a long way from Mortuary and its easy to see why it took years to get this out on dvd finally.

Home Sick is about a group of 20 somethings hanging out at a party of sorts when a strange man toting a briefcase full of razor blades enters, played by bill mosely, and asks them all who they hate. When one party goer says everyone the blood soon starts to flow as all the friends start to drop one by one. Who's the killer and why?

Home Sick is very roughly put together. Its the first feature after the film makers graduated from school and it shows. The script is at times hard to follow and seems to be at the rough draft stage. The film limps along from one contrived scene to the next with no reality or believability. Horror films are supposed to be unreal but when the motivations and actions of the characters make no sense it's really hard to care. The acting is terrible, feeling more like a bunch of friends making a monster movie rather then professional actors. The directing is rough with boring setups and poorly lit scenes. The gore is amateurish at best. The lighting could have hid this but instead the director of photography decided to put a spot light on most of em making the gore look that much cheesier.

In short, there's nothing here worth watching. Sure its got Bill Mosely, for about 4 minutes, and Tom Towles, for about 7 minutes but that's about it. Honestly they only make the rest of the actors look that much worse. I suppose its a good effort for the first film out, but there's really no excuse for a bad script. Scriptwriting costs nothing but time.

Gore-medium

Nudity-mild

Overall - 4/10

Amityville II: The Possesion (1982) 6/10

2008-09-07T15:38:00.003-07:00

Continuing with my pursuit of the Amityvlle films we have the second installment, Amityville 2.

Amityvlle II takes place after the first film with yet another family moving in only to discover the house is filled with an evil atmosphere that takes over the family. The husband immediately becomes abusive and the son begins to eyeball his sister. The mother becomes hysterical and the kids experience poltergeist activity. How will this family survive?

In a word, they don't. See this films director, writer, and cinematographer are all Italian. It being essentially an Italian film made in the early 80's of course its bound to push boundaries. The overt and prevalent spousal abuse, the incest, and the brutal killing of the entire family all point to the Italian influence. Of course it would be useless to tread the same ground as the original so the film makers decided to up the ante. The houses influence begins as soon as the family steps inside and leaves no time for any suspense or tension to be built. Bang! The wife gets slapped by the husband and so it begins. The exorcist movies were doing well at this time so half the film mimics an extreme version of the first amityville and the last half mimics the exorcist films. See the son is possessed by the house and speaks with a different voice and acts to destroy the family. Sounds familiar right? The films acting is pretty good, though no where near the original film. The direction is competent but lacks the tension filled pacing of the original.

At the end of the day Amityville II: The Possession is a film that is poorly paced and suffers from a lack of suspense because of it. It tries to make up for it with being more extreme and adding in a bit of the Exorcist for good measure but ends up feeling rushed and uneven. A fun film but lacks the seriousness and grace of its predecessor.

Gore-mild

Nudity-mild

Overall - 6/10

Hanzo The Razor: Sword Of Justice (1972) 7/10

2008-09-07T15:38:00.002-07:00

There was a time in my life when Samurai were totally interesting and very cool. I've grown older, learned more about the real samurai way and frankly the romanticized films lost their luster. That being said I do check out samurai films every now and then, especially when there's a new or different twist on a familiar theme. Hanzo The Razor is a very different samurai that not only uses his blade, but his tool and I'm not talking about a wrench.

Hanzo The Razor is about a rouge lawman that refuses to succumb to the corruption that prevails in his colleagues. When he finds out his dirty boss and a criminal share the same mistress he sets out to discover what the connection is and expose his boss for the unscrupulous cad he truly is.

Beautifully directed and choreographed much in the same vein as the Lone Wolf and Cub aka shogun assassin series Hanzo the Razor delivers visually. The film is from 1972 but looks like it could have been made yesterday. The badass lawman is a familiar character and here is played very satisfyingly with Hanzo bending the rules and using a very firm hand to get the information he seeks. He also uses a very firm...penis. Yes, that's right. When interrogating beautiful female suspects he uses his phallus to get the information. Using a variety of techniques it all boils down to Hanzo being a sex machine that the women can't help but spill their guts to. The film treads on thin ground here since none of the women want to have sex with Hanzo. Yup, he pretty much rapes them, and halfway through they decide that they can't get enough and will give any information Hanzo wants as long as he doesn't stop. So apparently Japanese women in Feudal Japan love to be raped but a man who's hung. It's played totally ridiculously and the whole film has an unrealistic feel to it. This isn't the gritty realism found in the yakuza papers films. Its fantasy, albeit ethically shaky fantasy.

Hanzo The Razor: Sword of Justice is the first film of a trilogy and I would gladly check out the other two. The film is fun and over the top with a twisty script and a hard boiled attitude. Take out the penis interrogation and you still have a satisfying entertaining film, it just pushes the film into a more unique realm that few films reach.

Gore- mild/medium

Nudity - medium

Overall - 7/10

Amityville (1979) 8/10

2008-09-07T15:38:00.001-07:00

Amityville. I remember as a kid going to the local mom & pop video rental store, and seeing the countless Amityville films. Amityvlle 3-d, Amityvlle Doll House, Amityville Its About Time, and all the others. I've seen the original in bits and pieces on t.v. of course, but I had never actually sat down and watched the whole film. Given the slew of sequels, and the recent remake, I decided to finally dip into the Amytiville franchise, starting with the original.

Amityville for those who have been living in a cave under a rock, is about a spooky house of notorious history. In real life a family moved into the home and the owner's son killed the whole family one night with a rifle. So, the film takes place after this true-life event. Once again a family moves in but all is not well. The father, played by James Brolin starts to become paranoid, agitated and irritable, and possibly homicidal. The mother realizes something evil is in the home and invites a priest to come cleanse it, but the house won't let the priest do his cleansing, striking him blind. How can the family survive in a house soaked with evil?

Amityville is filled with strong acting and strong directing. James Brolin especially does a superb job at playing a slowly deteriorating man that was once strong and good. We feel for him as he becomes increasingly frightening, and we feel for the family as well. It's very hard to make a dangerous character likeable and still have him be frightening and realistic. The priests all do a wonderful job here as well. The film oozes a creepy atmosphere that builds effectively throughout the film. The only problem here is that the director never pulls the trigger. We sit and watch the tension build and then suddenly the family decides to leave the house before any serious danger is dealt.

So, the ending is a bit anti-climactic but the rest of the film is so carefully crafted and produced that it makes up for it's shortcoming. Here is a film that deserves to have a slew of sequels. Nearly 30 years old and it still instills a feeling of fear and suspense rarely seen today.

Gore-mild

Nudity-none

Overall - 8/10

Fangoria Blood Drive II (2005) 6/10

2008-09-07T15:38:00.000-07:00

I used to have a subscription to Fangoria until they decided to give me terrible customer service, that being said, I still dig the magazine. Having seen the first blood drive collection, I decided to see if this was as mediocre or perhaps an improvement. Mediocre is still the work to describe this series.

The Blood Drive series is a collection of horror shorts from around the country displaying a variety of ideas, executions, and sadly a variety of quality.

Once again, like the first blood drive, the collection is a mixed bag. The first and last shorts are actually quite good, about an avenging ghost and the job from hell respectively but also included are a few totally amateurish shorts that look like they had very little development even less talent. There's nothing wrong with having a low budget, especially for a short. But if I'm half way through a short I shouldn't be bored already. A director should be able to keep my attention for at least 10 minutes.

Check it out if you love short horror, but this one's a rental hands down.

Gore- varies

Nudity - none

Overall - 6/10

An American Crime (2008) 8/10

2008-08-25T10:22:00.001-07:00

Recently, I read The Girl Next Door by Jack Ketchum. A brutal book about childhood torture loosely based upon a true story. After the release of the film version of the book I discovered that a film based directly on the original true events was being produced. An American Crime is that film.

Staring the new "it" girl Ellen Page of Juno and Hard Candy fame, An American Crime is about two young girls left to live with their neighbor's family while their parents travel with their carnival booth. The girls soon discover that not all is right in this seemingly normal household as punishments met upon the girls by the mother of the household become increasingly brutal and abusive. Even the neighborhood children get in on the punishment, punishments that include kicking, punching, burning, branding and strangling and imprisonment.

An American Crime is a brutal, brutal film. Its expertly directed and acted making the onscreen drama palpable and almost unbearable to watch. Due to the graphic nature of the film this dark drama borders on the horror side of things without an ounce of exploitation or humor. Grim is a good word for this film. Set in the mid 1960's the film captures the era perfectly, transporting the audience to a simpler time when neighbors didn't get into each other's business allowing atrocities like this to occur. My reviews can testify to the fact that I love brutal horror, the gorier and crazier the better, but even I had a hard time watching this one. In fact I had to look away a couple of times when the torture and drama became all too real. Given the A-list cast and superior direction it's a mystery why this film wasn't at least released in limited theatres. The film has been buried by its distributor in fact. No commercials, no online ads. Just a quiet release. My guess is due to the shocking subject matter and the realistic way in which it was presented the distributor was afraid of public outrage upon its release.

An American Crime is a brave lightening rod of a film that is as shocking as it is realistic. Given the fact that it's based on true events makes it all the more chilling. Check it out, but be forewarned, this is not a pleasant film to watch.

Overall - 8/10

Wizard of Gore (2007) 5/10

2008-08-25T10:22:00.000-07:00

When I found out that H.G. Lewis' The Wizard of Gore was being remade with Crispin Glover playing the role of Montag the Magnificent, I knew I had to check it out.

The film's script is based on the original film but doesn't copy it exactly. An underground newspaper writer who specializes in the seedy fetish scene in Los Angeles gets invited to witness a special performance of Montag The Magnificent, an extreme magician who's show involves the brutal killing of a volunteer only to have them re-appear unharmed. The volunteers are found the next day after the performance dead from wounds that mirror the illusion created by Montag. Who's killing these girls is such a grisly manner and why does the writer keep having nightmares that mimic the killings?

The original film was loaded with gore but crudely assembled with terrible acting and shoddy camera work. The remake tries to rectify this by heaping on the style and taking the original simple script and making it more complex. A wide color palette is used here that takes its ques from early Italian Gialli but with less skill. Many of the shots are so dimly lit that the HD video looks grainy and the subject is almost impossible to see. This effect comes off as accidental rather then intentional and honestly makes the film hard to watch, when the viewer can't even see what's going on in the damn scene! Most of the acting here is pretty good, except the main character. Why the director would invest money in small characters being played by competent actors but skimping on the guy we follow throughout the whole movie, i'll never know. Crispin Glover's performance is pretty damn good but don't expect a confident powerful character as found in the original. No, Crispin delivers a psychotic performance thats more akin to Willard then the original Montag. Oddly enough the gore isn't as plentiful as in the original. I don't know why you would re-make a film with Gore in the title and not try to out-do the original. Sure there's gore but for the most part it's shot from afar lessening it's gruesome impact. The close-up gore effects is part of what made the original so legendary and it's sorely missed here. The biggest problem with the film is the convoluted and confusing script. I really enjoy bizarre films, especially David Lynch's special brand of weird. His films give the impression that theres so much more going on just below the surface and if you look closely you'll figure it out. This film tries to explore our perceptions of reality and how they can be affected but instead just becomes confusing, and not in a fun way as in Lynch films. Here it just comes off as irritating and pretentious. In fact thats a pretty good description of the film.

Somehow the director took a simple schlocky film and turned it into pseudo noir that oozes pretension and disdain for the horror genre. It's almost as if the director felt he was above making a horror film and wanted to make something special but lacked the imagination and skill to do so.

Nudity-mild/medium

Gore - medium

Overall - 5/10

Rogue (2007) 8/10

2008-08-21T09:06:00.009-07:00

When Wolf Creek the horror community was stunned. Here was this Australian torture film that outdid all of our efforts. It was beautiful and it was brutal. When i found out that director Greg Mclean was going to do a giant crocodile film next I was onboard immediately. Why the Weinsteins shelved this only to stick it out on dvd without so much as a commercial I'll never know. Greg Mclean has made another wonderful film, Alligator this is not.

Rogue is set in the Australian northern territory where few humans live. Enter the American travel writer and a band of tourists visiting a beautiful river filled with creatures. After invading a giant rogue crocodile's territory their boat is attacked and they have to seek refuge on a tiny tidal island. Now they must get off the island before the tide comes in and covers it in water. How will they escape the crocodile's fury?

The first 20 minutes of the film play like a love letter to Australia. Wonderful helicopter and macro shots show us a wonderful land teeming with unique life. Normally I hate movies that don't get down to business quickly but in this case the cinematography is just too beautiful to ignore. Once the action starts it doesn't let up. The acting is great as well as the directing and the script is actually interesting. I say actually because let's face it, when was the last giant animal on the loose movie actually good? The croc itself is very frightening and very believable. They used a mix of animatronics and cgi and the blend works miracles here. I was constantly surprised at how realistic the creature looked and moved. The animators obviously spent alot of time studying the movement of crocs because not once did the animation not ring true. This is coming from a guy that used to be obsessed with the Crocodile Hunter, may he rest in peace, and still watch animal planet all the time.

Rogue is a great animal on the loose film of the highest caliber. I can't recommend this enough. Its fun, fast paced, and believable. It doesn't reinvent the wheel but does an animal movie the way it should be done.

Nudity-none

Gore-mild

Overall - 8/10

Hell's Ground (2007) 7/10

2008-08-21T09:06:00.008-07:00

These days anybody with a little bit of money can make a movie. Through the democritization of film due to the digital revolution anybody can be a director. Because of this we're seeing an explosion of foreign cinema, shot in native tongues with native stories. Through the proliferation of dvds and the internet, more and more U.S. distributors are taking chances on these films and finally bringing unique non-American cinema to our shores. I Love to see this. Hell's Ground is one of these films.

Hell's Ground is a Pakistani film about a group of teenagers out late trying to get to a concert. Along the way they are met with Zombies, crazy shamans, and a burqa wearing spike ball mace wielding serial killer. Now, the plot isn't exactly non-American, but the eye in which through the film was made is.

Hell's Ground shows us a view of Pakistan that we rarely get to see. Mostly we see protests and bombings, war and strife on the news. Never do we get to see the teenage life there. We don't see it as the locals see it. That alone is worth the price of admission for me. The film's moral tale is that children shouldn't lie to their parents, as all the characters have to do in order to get out of their homes to attend the concert. This is also very culture specific. The characters in the film are all pretty stereotypical, the jock, the stoner, the popular girl etc but they all have another dimension. Instead of playing those roles to the hilt throughout the film, each character grows and changes, having learned from their mistakes and transgressions. This is also a welcome difference from standard American fare. Its so nice to have character development that makes sense, even in a silly horror movie with a simple plot. There's even some pretty good gore and makeup effects throughout the film. The film is written, acted, and directed very well, especially given the country it was made in. The standard of living in Pakistan is pretty low and its hard to make films outside of the Pakistani film industry. The film is shot in digital video but it looks great, with wonderful post production coloring and editing, making the film fast paced and pleasant to look at.

Hell's Ground is a great foreign flick with a typical script but executed in an atypical way. I look forward to the director's future works. Check it out.

Nudity- none

Gore- mild/medium

Overall - 7/10

The Wizard of Gore (1970) 6/10

2008-08-21T09:06:00.007-07:00

I'm sorry to say, but I don't like H.G. Lewis. Its a horror blasphemy I'm sure, but I've never liked his stuff. With The Wizard Of Gore my opinions weren't changed, but it is the best of his I've seen so far.

The Wizard Of Gore is about Montag the Magnificent a sadistic magician with a show that kills..literally! During his show he inflicts life ending wounds like a sword to the through, a drill to the stomach, a chainsaw attack and more but his hypnotized volunteers leave unscathed. When the hypnosis wears off, its another matter entirely however. A TV journalist finds out the truth and decides to try to reveal the grisly facts.

So like every other H.G. Lewis film I've ever seen the acting is terrible as are the compositions and the colors used. They are certainly low-budget films steeped in the times in which they are made. The gore here is plentiful, in fact i believe its the most I've seen from him, which is saying alot. The gore here is actually pretty damn good too. Sure its all red paint and pig guts but at times is pretty convincing. There's a cheesy aesthetic that works here better then in his other films and it was indeed more enjoyable then say, blood feast or 2,000 maniacs. That being said the film was still fairly slow and visually uninteresting.

The Wizard of Gore is pretty damn gory and lives up to its great name, but the viewer should expect crappy acting and terribly 70's colors and a very silly script.

Nudity-none

Gore-medium

Overall - 6/10

Brand Upon The Brain (2007) 4/10

2008-08-21T09:06:00.006-07:00

Every now and then I like to watch bizarre cinema from around the world. The Criterion Collection is a pretty good source to check out weird stuff that has some meat to it. I figured Brand Upon The Brain, having been released by Criterion would be one such film. Nope.

Brand Upon The Brain is about a young man that is asked by his dying mother to paint her lighthouse one more time before she passes. Going back stirs up all sorts of long forgotten memories for the man and unlocks some mysteries from his past.

The film is shot in black and white and put together like a silent film from the turn of the last century. Beautifully rich textured visuals abound the film as well as a Terry Giliam-esque future punk aesthetic. The film is narrated by Isabella Rossolini and uses text slides as well. The problem isn't with any of these things, although the narration did get on my nerves after a while. The problem here is the editing. Every second, or less the frame changes. The shots are all shaky, lit strangely, out of focus, or any other number of "arty" touches that only make the film lack clarity. The fast paced editing was too much for me to take. Every time I saw something visually appealing, it was gone before I could let it soak in. There are some really strong visuals here but we're never given the chance to really see them. They're gone before we can blink, replaced by another strong image, and so on. In fact, since most of the images are stunning and powerful, they all lose power. Too much of a good thing and it becomes accepted and expected rather then appreciated. Its almost as if the director tried to cram in as much visual stimuli as possible, rather then let his compositions breathe. Because of this the film was impossible for me to watch. Its a damn shame too, theres some real talent behind the lens.

Brand Upon The Brain is a silent film with a hyper mediated and self aware editing style that doesn't mesh well. The editing is much too fast to enjoy anything thats going on onscreen and because of that the film wasn't enjoyable.

Overall -4/10

Alucarda (1975) 4/10

2008-08-21T09:06:00.005-07:00

This one's gonna be quick because it wasn't worth a damn.

Alucarda is a spanish exploitation flick about two girls demonically possessed set in the 1600s. Sounds like it could be a winner right? Wrong.

Alucarda poorly directed and poorly acted. The budget is minuscule and so is the action. The description promised nudity, devil worship, and violence. Sure, there's one lame ass orgy scene that also counts as devil worship but the only violence in the film is at the very end and by then I just didn't care. Nothing in the film caught my attention. Not the script, not the acting, not the directing, not the cinematography, not the editing. Nothing. What can I say, the film bored the crap out of me and I fast forwarded through alot of it, hoping for something worth my time but found nothing.

Alucarda is crap. I've got nothing positive to say. I just didn't like it. Next.

Nudity-medium

Gore-mild

Overall - 4/10

The Butcher Boy (1997) 6/10

2008-08-21T09:06:00.004-07:00

So i'm a fan of Rue-Morgue magazine. I've got a subscription and everything. They posted a list of 101 best horror films you haven't seen. See the list is for us horror fiends that have seen all the well known zombie flicks, slashers, and giallos. I've seen most of the 101 but there's about 20 or so that I haven't. The Butcher Boy is the first on the list i've decided to tackle.

The Butcher Boy is an Irish film set in Ireland during the 1960s. The main character is a little boy who's a bully and a ticking time bomb with an obsession with destroying his neighbors.

The film isn't really a horror film, at least not to me. Sure in the end theres a bit of killing but really its a dark drama. Its beautifully directed and well acted and does a great job of putting us into the time in which it was made. The fear of communism and nuclear war. The poverty of the people at the time. It captures all of it. It's pretty hard to watch at times though. The kid is a nasty bully that gets meaner and more sociopath as the film progresses. We see him abused by his parents and by his neighbors, sent to a reformatory catholic school where he's abused by a priest. The kid really never had a chance to be normal and i guess thats what we're supposed to come up with. Its kinda slow going as the film seems to meander and have no clear direction during many scenes in the film.

In the end the Butcher Boy is an interesting time capsule but not really worth spending time trying to seek it out. Check it out if you like very dark indie dramas.

Overall- 6/10

The Last Winter (2008) 5/10

2008-08-21T09:06:00.003-07:00

It was bound to happen sometime. It started with the Happening and continues with The Last Winter. Given all the mis-information about the supposed global warming crisis, horror films reflecting the fear of melting ice-caps and the heating of the earth were inevitable. Let me make something clear, I don't believe in human created global warming. Period. That being said I love horror films that try to play on modern societal fears, even if i don't agree with the politics behind it. As long as their intelligent that is.

The Last Winter is set up in the arctic where an oil drilling company is scouting places to drill. An environmental impact advisor is with them, making sure they don't break any laws while also studying the tundra's changing climate. The ice is melting, releasing things that have been frozen for thousands of years. How will it effect the crew, and the world?

I was afraid that the drilling company employees were going to be portrayed as the devil and that the environmental impact employees were going to be portrayed as Jesus. Thankfully that wasn't the case. Sure the drilling people are rough but they're also portrayed as being fair and intelligent. The environmentalists also have their strengths and weaknesses. These are people, not political caricatures, and for that I'm thankful. The film is beautifully directed with wonderful cinematography that belies the tiny budget. The acting is pretty damn good with known actors like hellboy's Ron Pearlman. The pace is pretty fast and the script is engaging, up to a point that is. The problem with The Last Winter, is that we don't really know what's effecting the crew or how its effecting them. I don't even think the scriptwriter or director knows either. I get the feeling that instead of giving us something concrete they decided to let the audience fill in the gaps with whatever they want. I want something tangible or at least explainable. Is it a gas as is suggested? Is it microorganisms? What exactly is its effect? The film comes off as a super watered down version of The Thing because of it. We know the crew is freaking out, but they're all reacting differently. The buildup is great, but the pay off is weak. In fact they even decide to throw in some Inuit folklore at the end just to confuse things further, and stick in some laughably bad CGI effects to crap up the film further. Had the script been tighter and more focused, and had there been no CGI the film might have worked. I also have to mention the global warming soapboxing scene involving narration and stock footage. Aside from being preachy, misguided, uninformed, and irritating, it also took me right out of the film. It didn't seem to have a place in a movie that's already harping on global warming. Its almost as if the constant dialogue involving wasn't enough. They had to really shove more of it down our throats, because they must think we're idiots. Well, I'm not, and the soapboxing wasn't needed. I got the point.

In the end The Last Winter is a film that could have been great given the talent of the actors and director, because of the script, it wasn't.

Nudity-mild

Gore-mild

Overall - 5/10

Burnt Offerings (1976) 6/10

2008-08-21T09:06:00.002-07:00

I really like haunted house stories and films. When I read that Burnt Offerings was just that, and stared Oliver Reed and Burgess Meredith, I knew I had to check it out.

Burnt Offerings is about a young family that finds a wonderful old house to rent. Its huge and its cheap and the only catch is that they must look after an old woman that lives upstairs in a room. Or is it?

Burnt Offerings is more of an old-school horror flick. There is nothing really concrete that we see. There are no ghosts or ghouls, no axe wielding crazy people. Its more about atmosphere and the influence a person's environment has on them. The mother becomes obsessed and possibly possessed with the house, the older Aunt begins to lose her mind and the father becomes more hostile and the little boy gets trapped in the house. If you ask me its just a supernatural allegory of the potential negative effects of family living. This makes perfect sense given the time in which it was made. In the late 1970's divorce sky rocketed after the no-fault divorce became legal in most states. Birth rates dropped dramatically as well. An anti-family movie was ripe for the making. Thankfully given its old-school style its not rubbed in your face and painfully obvious. The film is much more subtle then that. The scares as well are subtle, and to me, that made the film that much more creepy. The problem is that the film is about 2 hours long and the pace is pretty slow going. The film was shot in this odd soft focus style that was popular in that era as well and dates the film instantly. Good performances abound with the excellent cast, and saves the film from the 70's trash bin.

Burnt Offerings is an interesting film, but for those horror fans with patience and willingness to sit through a 2 hour film with no gore.

Nudity- none

Gore- none

Overall - 6/10

Doomsday (2008) 7/10

2008-08-21T09:06:00.001-07:00

When Dog Soldiers came out, it was totally impressed by what Neil Marshall was able to do with a small budget and some great imagination. I was excited to see what he would do with his first bigger budget film, The Decent, and like most horror fans I was totally blown away. One of the scariest movies I've ever seen, and certainly the scariest I had seen in theatres. I was even more excited when his next film came out, Doomsday. But after the slew of bad reviews and poor box office performance, I opted to wait for the dvd. I wish I hadn't.

Doomsday is set in the near future when a virus breaks out in Scotland. The virus is akin to the plague and to stop it from spreading, a giant wall is built around Scotland. Fast forward 30 years and the plague has been found inside London. There are known survivors within Scotland so a crack team of special ops are sent to go inside, capture a survivor, and bring the specimen back so that an anti-virus can be made from their blood.

So the film has a bit of 28 Days Later, Aliens, Escape from New York, Gladiator (yeah knights on horses and epic castles), The Road Warrior, and The Road Warrior: Beyond Thunderdome. That doesn't leave much room for anything new or original. The film was nailed for the obvious homages and worship of cult films. Personally, I usually hate homage films. I don't like movies that crib ideas from better movies. Come up with your own shit, simple as that. With Doomsday though, its just too over the top and entertaining for me to hate it. The action is almost non-stop throughout and given the number of films it steals from, it really never gets boring. Once all the good ideas from beyond thunderdome get used up, its on to some sword and sandal knight fighting action. Once that gets old its on to the last chase scene in the road warrior, this time with a Bentley and so on. He took all the movies he loved, put em in a blender, made em gorier, made em faster paced and more extreme, slapped it all together, and called it Doomsday.

Let me make one thing clear, Doomsday is an awesome B-movie cheesefest of the highest degree. It is NOT an original film. Its nothing more then the cheesy b-movie ripoff fest it tries to be. The viewer must walk into Doomsday with the right expectations. This isn't high art. This isn't even believable. Its just over the top cheese at its most ridiculous.

Nudity-none

Gore - medium

Overall - 7/10

The Attic/ Crawlspace (1980) 6/10

2008-08-21T09:06:00.000-07:00

I really love the double feature dvds that come out from anchor bay and midnight movies. Nothing better then two flicks for the price of one, especially when they're supposed to be two under appreciated gems. The Attic/ Crawlspace was one such release and in the case, i have to disagree.

The Attic is about a middle aged woman with an over bearing handicapped father that fantasizes about killing him. Crawlspace, staring Klaus Kinski, is about a creepy old man with a murderous past who runs an apartment building. There he spies on his tenants, all beautiful women.

So let me begin by saying that The Attic was crappy. Very slow moving with cheesy acting, mediocre direction and a predictable script. This one's a real snoozer. Crawlspace on the other hand was at least interesting. I'm all for atypical genre pictures and Crawlspace is pretty close to that. Horror flicks about murderous old guys are a dime a dozen but the voyeuristic old guy movie? Not quite as plentiful. Klaus plays the creepy old guy part very well and there's even a couple of decent gore scenes. That being said the film never really kicks into high gear. It stays in low gear throughout most of the film, the tension only intensifying at the very end and by then I didn't really care too much. The characters, besides Klaus, are poorly acted and poorly written. The film falls into many of the common tropes of the 80s horror flick and its really only Klaus who tries to pull it out.

So, The Attic was crap and Crawlspace tries to be unique but ultimately fails. Its still worth checking out for die hard horror fans but only for those who have already seen all the great horror films and are trying to dig a bit deeper and don't mind rough gems. On a side note, for you Neurosis fans out there, the band used samples from Crawlspace all over their Enemy of the Sun record. So i guess Crawlspace has at least one admirer.

Nudity-mild

Gore-mild

Overall - 6/10

The Grapes of Death (1978) 6/10

2008-08-11T09:57:00.009-07:00

I've tried to watch a handful of Jean Rollin's special brand of french horror and I've never really "gotten it." I was recommended The Grapes of Death to help me get into his unique style. Although this is probably the best of his work I've seen i still don't "get it."

The Grapes of Death as one might imagine is about a small town special brew of wine that due to evil pesticides turns its consumers into the living dead. A young woman returns home to this small town but on her way only discovers death and carnage. How will she survive?

For me The Grapes of Death is just too damn slow. Sure its very "atmospheric" but i found it to be more tedious then anything The acting is atrocious but i expected that since it is a late 70s horror flick from the country's sole horror genre film maker. Jean helped keep the love of grue alive with slabs of sticky redstuff found throughout the film. Really the film does have great makeup effects for the time and once again considering no one else was doing this type of film in France at the time. The problem is there just isn't quite enough grue to call the film a true gore flick and not enough of anything else to find entertaining.

Perhaps I watched it at the wrong time, maybe i didn't have the right mindset. I don't know, all i can say is that if this is his best then perhaps he should be seen as pioneer and maverick rather then a true horror master.

Nudity-mild

Gore- medium

Overall - 6/10

Sleepaway Camp (1983) 6/10

2008-08-11T09:57:00.008-07:00

The early 80's were a time for slasher flicks in the horror world, in particular, the camp slasher flick. From the slew of Friday the 13ths to The Burning and others the time was over saturated with these films. Sleepaway camp spawned several sequels itself. Its high time I checked out this lesser Friday ripoff.

As with every other camp oriented slasher, a group of kids go to camp for the summer and they start dropping like flies. The twist in the story her is that one of the kids suffered a terrible tragedy early in life. It seems that this camper's father and brother were both killed in a terrible boating accident leaving her terribly withdrawn.

Here is a film that doesn't do much to break the mold. Kids acting like jerks to each other, counselors sleeping around, and people dying left and right. The gore isn't very graphic and the acting is so-so as well as the direction. The film is no different then any other slasher flick from the era, that is until the ending. I will say this, the ending is worth the price of admission on its own. I won't give it away here but it is quite a doozy. If the ending hadn't been so, lets just say, unique, it wouldn't have garnered a second glance and certainly wouldn't have spawned two sequels. Check it out if you dig the genre and watch till the end, its worth it!

Nudity-mild

Gore-mild

Overall- 6/10

Alice (1988) 7/10

2008-08-11T09:57:00.007-07:00

Ever wonder what Alice In Wonderland would look like through the eyes of a demented animator from the former eastern bloc country of the the Czech Republic? Alice is it.

Alice follows the exact tale of Alice in Wonderland so I don't think I need to give you a synopsis for this particular film.

Directed by Jan Svankmejer (lunacy, Little Otik) the film's star Alice is a real little girl but all the other characters were done in stop motion and are made up of strange toys found within her room. The film lacks any score and uses the real sound of skeletal jaws clicking and other creepy diagenic sounds. Each character is made of a perversion of real teeth, bones, human glass eyes, and plush toys given each a deathlike quality to it. Its almost like the meeting of a child's fantasy, the plush toy, and the harsh realities of life, the bones. The film was made during the soviet occupation of Czechoslovakia and has a dark oppressed feeling that permeates each frame. The film is short but works well. There is little to no dialogue and all of it is performed by the little girl. All of these creepy creatures have the voice of the same little girl, yeah it ups the strangeness factor quite a bit.

If you're a more adventurous film fan with a pretty good attention span, i recommend checking out this rare film.

Overall - 7/10

Steel Trap (2006) 6/10

2008-08-11T09:57:00.006-07:00

Steel Trap is the latest in the Dimension Extreme films and yet again we find a film filled with mediocrity.

Steel Trap is about a group of b-list celebrities invited to an exclusive party in an abandoned building. Upon arriving they find that in order to get out they must solve puzzles, if they don't they die by the hands of a masked killer. Hmm sounds a bit like saw doesn't it?

Its no wonder that we're seeing Saw clones given how well the films do at the box office. In fact, I'm surprised that this is the first that's crossed my path. I do doubt it will be last however. The traps are mediocre as well as the kills, the acting, and the directing. I don't really know why this was picked up by Dimension other then just a quick buck. Check it out if you want more of the same from the Saw flicks.

Nudity- none
Gore-mild
Overall - 6/10

The Mist (2007) 3/10

2008-08-11T09:57:00.005-07:00

The Mist is the newest film and newest Stephen King adaptation from director Frank Darabont. He also directed the amazing Shawshank Redemption and The Green Mile, both King adaptations. When the original trailers came out, i thought, well that looks like crap. It got great reviews however so I finally decided to check it out. Looks like my first reaction was the correct one.

The Mist is about a small town overcome by a mysterious mist. Dangerous creatures dwell within the mist and a group of people take refuge in a local super market. Should they go or should they stay? How should they protect themselves? Who should lead? Why does this movie have to suck so bad?

The film is directed very well with a wonderful building of tension and suspense. I have no qualms there. The problem is with the terrible script. Our main hero is a local artist who makes his living painting movie posters. Not the local blue collar guys stuck in the grocery store, nor the military servicemen, nor the manager of the store, or any number of plausible leaders. See, in a crisis, usually artists don't fair too well. Their delicate sensibilities that allow them to be artists don't do well with huge life changing events. That was the first major strike in my mind and quite an elitist and implausible decision. Sure, the sensitive artist becomes the hero, not the guys who spend their whole lives leading other men. The sissy artist is the badass. Of course all the blue collar workers are portrayed as nothing more then ignorant bumpkins, meanwhile these are the guys that would have more then likely served in the military, where they would have dealt with huge life changing events on a daily basis. Hell we don't even see the military personnell until the third act where they can be blamed for the mist situation. So the military is an evil scapegoat huh? I guess King forgot about WWII as well as desert storm. Yet another elitist decision that brings the whole film down. Finally and most severely misrepresented are the Christians in the film. Nothing but superstitious, cruel, ignorant, monsters that do nothing but persecute members of the group. What a crock of shit. Yeah the Christians would be the one's who would be dealing with the situation best. Faith has a way of helping one deal with difficult situations. Of course its the atheistic artists that will always save the day. Not the hard working blue collar folks, not the hard working servicemen and women, and certainly not the faithful. The mist is nothing but an elitist liberal classist atheist piece of garbage. The CGI blows hard as well as the actual plot of the film. The choices and actions of the characters is totally unbelievable and offensive.

Shame on you Frank Darabont. Shame on you Stephen King.

Overall - 3/10

Trapped Ashes (2008) 6/10

2008-08-11T09:57:00.004-07:00

I love anthology movies. Creepshow, Creepshow 2, Tales from the Dark Side etc. They were hugely popular in the horror flicks of yesteryear but these days they've become a rare breed. Trapped Ashes sets out to change that but does little to win the hearts and minds of its viewers.

Ken Russell, Sean s. Cunningham, Joe Dante, Monte Hellman, John Gaeta each direct a different story found within Trapped Ashes. The film is about a group of people on a studio backlot tour that get trapped in the set for an old horror movie. In order to get out they must tell the most terrifying story that truly happened to them. Stories include carnivorous breast implants, Japanese succubus, a nefarious tapeworm and more.

Ok so the plot is a bit silly but i was willing to go along with it since i do really like a few of the directors and the film also stars John Saxon so I was sold there too. The problem is that the film comes off as silly as the plot is. I really couldn't take it too seriously and found my self more laughably amused rather then gripped with suspense. The character's interactions are poorly written and unbelievable as well. Much like with the masters of horror series that style differences between the directors are compromised by having to use the same crew each time. So, it looks to me, as if it really could have been directed by one person rather then 5 different ones. That being said the look of the film is very smooth and vibrant. Striking colors and smooth editing are the order of the day and its refreshing to see that new films can still be made without the high paced reality tv style editing.

Check out Trapped Ashes if you dig any of the aforementioned directors, just don't expect a masterpiece.

Nudity - mild

Gore - mild

Overall - 6/10

Outpost (2007) 7/10

2008-08-11T09:57:00.003-07:00

Outpost is one of those great horror flicks that somehow slips through the cracks, even within the hardcore horror community. It is my duty to tell the world about great and not so great obscure horror flicks. Ready for duty SIR!

Outpost is about a group of mercenaries hired to find a lost Nazi bunker and recover an unknown doomsday weapon for a clandestine unit. Upon arriving they find that the doomsday machine is no machine at all. Instead its a unit of unstoppable invincible Nazi soldiers still waiting for battle. Crazy forgotten Nazi experiments gone wrong? I'm sold.

Beautifully directed and filled with wonderful cinematography, Outpost visually stands head and shoulders above most indie horror flicks out there. The pacing is fast and the action is big. Theres's some great gore sprinkled throughout as well as some nazi ghost freakouts but by and large the film is more akin to 70s era nazisploitation films, which is fine with me. Having said that the film feels fresh and new and in no way an homage flicks that have polluted our great genre. Old school idea, with new school sensibility.

Outpost is certainly worth checking out, especially if nazi vs good guys films are your thing. Recommended.

Nudity-none

Gore-mild/medium

Overall - 7/10

Ms. 45 (1981) 6/10

2008-08-11T09:57:00.002-07:00

I'm not a fan of Abel Ferrara. I didn't like the driller killer and i hated bad lieutenant. I picked up Ms.45 hoping my opinion might change. It did...a little.

Ms.45 is, you guessed it, set in New York. A young mute girl who works as a seamstress is brutally raped twice on her way home. Her second assailant, she kills and takes his gun, a .45. From this moment on she fears all men and kills any who get to close. Soon she becomes the predator and she prowls the streets looking for men to kill.

The film is very low budget but works very well. It doesn't need to have huge production values. Its about the gritty streets of New York and accomplishes that terrifically. The fact that the main character can't talk, for me, slowed the picture down, even thought it has a very short run time. The film is the height of nihilistic film making, which was hugely popular in the late 70s and early 80s. Nothing good happens. The character kills for the sake of killing, shooting good men and bad. There is no happy ending or plucky detective hot on her trail. Just senseless slaughter. Check it out if that sounds like you're style.

Nudity-none

Gore-mild/medium

Overall - 6/10

American Zombie (2007) -5/10

2008-08-11T09:57:00.001-07:00

Over the years the Zombie genre has become so oversaturated that film makers are going to great lenghts to "reinvent" the genre or show it in a totally new light. American Zombie tries so hard to do that, but fails....miserably.

American Zombie tries to blend the zombie genre with mockumentary with "hilarious" results. Instead they get "tediously boring" results. Let me begin by saying that i don't like mockumentaries in general, so understand that before reading on. Its the easiest genre to make. It doesn't take the writing or preparation of a narrative film nor the investigative, you've-got-one-chance-to -get-it documentary difficulties. Nope, a film maker can just "be funny" and have his actors improv the whole movie. Doesn't matter if looks like crap because its supposed to be mocking documentary form. So like i said, no skill. American Zombie's film makers have less then no skill. They have negative skill. Someone that's never made a movie ever would get a better rating for their movie that doesn't exist, then these guy's movie that does exist. The film is set in the near future when zombies rise up and try to be a functioning part of our society. A documentary crew sets out to interview zombies and get the "real" perspective on who zombies really are.

The problem is that NOTHING HAPPENS. its terribly boring. The whole movie is "commenting" on our societal views on minorites and gays but instead comes off as just simply being repellent. The film makers here obviously have no respect for anyone that lives a "normal" life. They constantly make fun of the zombies that are just trying to live decent lives and insteand glorify the douchebag zombies. It seems that the people that made this pretty much hate everyone, everyone but themselves that is. What an arrogant piece of crap this is. Never once did i laugh, or even smile. The film portrays the nice zombies as losers and the fighters for zombie rights as fanatical and silly. The documentary film makers actually play the biggest parts in the movie, a movie about ZOMBIES! Why the film makers take center stage i'll never know. They're portrayed as "funny" but actually come off as nothing less then compassionless jerks, which is exactly who made this film. Compassionless jerks that hate everyone that isn't them. Screw this movie.

Nudity-none

Gore- none

Overall - -5/10

The Ruins (2007) 4/10

2008-08-11T09:57:00.000-07:00

The Ruins is one of those theatrically released horror flicks that got luke warm reviews when it originally came out, so i opted for renting it instead. I'm glad i did. Paying for it would have ruined my night.

The Ruins is about a group of totally irritating and unbelievable 20 somethings hanging out, partying in Mexico. They get invited to check out a recently discovered pyramid so of course they check it out. Upon arriving they're confronted by some gun toting locals that won't allow them to leave the pyramid. The reason? Carnivorous plants that protect the pyramid of course.

So I have to say that the characters in this film, in particular one girl, are horribly written. Why the hell do i want to sit through 90 minutes of whining, complaining, and macho dumbassery? To put it bluntly, I'd rather slam my nuts in a door jamb then be forced to watch another pouty annoying girlfriend scene that are so prevalent in this film. I was rooting for the plant to rid me of the annoying characters found herein. That's a very bad sign. Beyond that the cgi effects of the plants are really poorly done as well. It's hard to be scared by something that would have been laughable in TRON. The plot is ludicrous as well. The plants adapt and learn how to mimic sounds to lure its victims. its a cool idea but it isn't executed very well here. One thing I will say however, is that the gore effects are pretty damn good here.

My guess is that in about 10 years The Ruins will be a great b-movie, so-bad-its-good fest. Right now, its just bad.

Nudity- mild

Gore- medium

Overall - 4/10

ZA: Zombies Anonymous (2007) 6/10

2008-07-07T13:46:00.000-07:00

ZA: Zombies Anonymous is a unique zombie film that poses the question: What if intelligent zombies actually existed, and how would they be treated by the rest of society?

The film begins with a boyfriend murdering his girlfriend after a heated argument. From here on we follow the recently zombified girl and the murdering boyfriend as they try to exist in a new world. We see the difficulties and prejudice the zombies experience as well as the fear and anger of the living. The murderer joins an anti-zombie militia while the girl joins an anti-living militia. Action and violence ensues.

Thank goodness some intelligent zombie flicks are starting to pop up. Fido was one of the first films, and there it was mostly a commentary of 50's American society. Here the film poses many unique questions like, do zombies continue to get the government disability they received when they were alive? Can a zombie stand trial and accuse their killer? What would society feel about zombies working side by side with the living? Essentially its a film about prejudice put into a horror context, and rather intelligently too. Its nice to see the horror genre being used as a satirical and social commentary rather then simply senseless violence. I cannot praise the script writers enough here for the audacity to take on such a huge subject as prejudice. The problem is the film was originally 108 minutes and was cut to 91, and the cuts are pretty rough. Towards the end of the film the motivations and relationships between characters become confusing. I feel that some essential material was taken out in order to cut the run time. That's a shame because it certainly negatively impacts the film. Don't get me wrong, a film like this shouldn't be pushing two hours, but there may have been other less essential scenes to cut. Beyond that the anti-zombie militia leader is terribly written and acted even worse. The woman that plays the role is not convincing and comes off as irritating and unbelievable. She plays a fairly significant role in the film and it really brings the project down on the whole. The last 15 minutes of the film are nothing more then poorly acted and poorly directed action scenes that get tiresome very quickly.

In the end ZA: Zombies Anonymous is an excellent micro budget attempt on a difficult subject. Sadly the last 15 minutes killed it for me and pulled the film from a solid 7 down into a 6. Check it out if you're looking for a unique indie horror flick but be prepared for a shaky ending.

Gore - mild

Nudity- none

Overall - 6/10

Going To Pieces: The Rise and Fall Of the Slasher Film (2006) 7/10

2008-07-06T22:46:00.000-07:00

I'm a big fan of early 80's slasher flicks, especially the slew that Tom Savini did the FX for. I figured a documentary that focused on the subgenre only would be an in depth interesting treat. Somehow the film makers were able to have to broad of a brush stroke and not enough depth.

Going To Pieces.... is a documentary about...well...the rise and fall of the slasher film. It traces its roots all the way back to Peeping Tom and Psycho and brings us all the way to Hostel. There's interviews with numerous directors, special fx artists, magazine editors and critics including Wes Craven, Sean Cunningham, Tom Savini, Tony Timpone and many others.

The documentary is pretty dang informative and covers alot of ground in less then 90 minutes. The film includes the history, the influences, the critical review, the major films, the lesser known gems, and the crappy rip 0ffs too. The interviews are pretty interesting as well, the film makers were able to dig up some pretty obscure directors and get their take on the whole phenomenon. The problem is that the film actually has too broad of a focus for its run time. Each subject is blown threw in a matter of minutes and then its on to the next topic. The problem is that there's really a lack of depth here. Most of what's presented can be found in other documentaries and publications, and for the most part, with more depth to boot. Its certainly a great film for horror fans that have yet to investigate the genre and lays some good groundwork for more focused works that may not include all the subjects found here.

Going to Pieces is a great documentary for those new to the genre but aside from some unique interviews the film doesn't represent anything that can't be found elsewhere.

Overall - 7/10

The Legacy (1979) 5/10

2008-07-06T22:38:00.000-07:00

I love Sam Elliot. The mustache, the cowboy drawl, the deep voice. He's just so damn awesome. So when I found out that he was in a horror flick about crazy supernatural powers, I knew I had to check it out. Turns out the most shocking thing in this film was seeing the man's bare backside.

The Legacy is about a group of people invited to an old manor in England by a mysterious host. They find out that said host is a Satanist and has brought them together to share in the power of the six, evil power that will go to them after he passes. Of course the six people all want the power for themselves so they begin to kill each other.

The Legacy was made at the tail end of the 70's and oozes the philosophy of the time. Free sex, women empowerment, hatred for the church, it's all here. The problem is the film's pacing is pretty dated as well. Its slow going and very little action is found throughout the film. Its more atmospheric and creepy then actually scary. There's no gore to speak of and the acting is rather dry as well. A brief appearance from the singer of the Who doesn't help matters much either. The real action is all saved for the last fifteen minutes or so and its too little too late when it finally hits. I won't give it away here, but I certainly found the ending to be rather anti-climatic as well.

The Legacy is a horror film that has not aged well. Creepy and atmospheric, as well as bland describe the film to a T.

Gore- mild

Nudity- Sam Elliot, so it doesn't count

Overall - 5/10

Zombie Town (2006) 7/10

2008-07-06T21:48:00.000-07:00

Recently there's been a huge influx of cheap zombie flix flooding the markets. Just like in the 80's, studios and distributors have realized that zombie flicks are cheap to make and always make money. Because of this there's been alot of crap lately (i'm looking at you day of the dead remake!) Zombie Town, thankfully, is not one of them.

Ever seen Night of the Creeps? How about Slither? Well Zombie Town lifts its plot directly from those. Slug like parasites turn people into zombies and now there's zombies over running a small town. Its up to a rag tag group of locals to stop the plague from spreading.

There's really nothing new here to be found in Zombie Town. Honestly at this point I can't really expect to be surprised by a zombie flick. This one tries to be funny without going over board and heaps on the gore and was made on the cheap. The pacing is quick and the script is actually pretty funny in parts. The gore is convincing and plentiful. Of course the kick ass heroine in the film is very poorly written and acted but hey at least they tried right? I really have no complaints with this one. Its just a solid gory fun zombie flick.

Zombie Town is a competently directed and acted zombie gore flick that is short and sweet. Perfectly executed generic zombie movie #4003. At this point its pretty hard to make an interesting and not irritating zombie flick so that in itself is quite an achievement, especially given the limited budget. Check it out.

Gore-medium/high

Nudity-none

Overall - 7/10

Heavy Metal In Baghdad (2008) 8/10

2008-07-06T21:35:00.000-07:00

Metal and Metalheads are all over the globe. Name a country and there's probably a metal band from there and plenty of metalheads. Its much more widespread then most people believe. That being said I never thought that a metal band could exist in the war torn country of Iraq.

Heavy Metal In Baghdad is about Acrassicauda a metal band just trying to making it in a country bent on stopping them. The documentary follows the band members as they try to put on shows where bullets and mortars fly and permission must be given by the government as well as by the American troops.

The film is an amazing time capsule of the Iraq war from the perspective of some young Iraqis caught in the cross fire. We find out that they can be shot just for having long hair or goatees. If they wear any metal shirts they can be killed by snipers just for having western clothing on. They get death threats and their practice space is even bombed. The members decide to flee the country in hopes of a brighter future in a free country but cannot escape the tyrannical grip of the totalitarian governments that surround Iraq. Why? Because they're Iraqi. They can't get visas to any western countries because of their citizenship. They're stuck between a rock and a hard place, and all they want to do is shred. The film shows the shocking reality of the people living in Iraq and the danger they face just going out to get some food. Thankfully the film isn't too political either. Really its just a portrayal of life in Iraq told from the mouths of people who've lived it. The viewer's political affiliation will probably not be tested but strengthened depending on your beliefs about the war.

Heavy Metal In Baghdad is an important film for anyone who loves metal or for anybody that would like to see how life really is in the war torn country. Highly Recommended.

Overall - 8/10

Teeth (2007) 3/10

2008-07-06T21:17:00.000-07:00

Teeth is an indie horror festival favorite that finds itself on the cheesy Dimension Extreme dvd line, a line known for its hit and miss reputation. For me, this one's certainly a miss.

Teeth is about a young girl who preaches the gospel of abstinence to other teens who unbeknownst to her, just happens to have a pair of teeth in her naughty bits.

So automatically I have a really hard time swallowing the absolutely liberal and feminist ideals found within this one. First off the film plays like a horror/comedy and the joke's on anybody who's decided to abstain from pre-martial sex. As if young people don't have enough pressure to have sex, this film nails them once again by mocking their beliefs and making fun of anyone who actually has any moral standards. The film also portrays the abstinence followers as brain washed teens who only believe in moral fortitude because of their laughable faith in God. Yay, yet another film that mocks young people's faith in religion. Just what the world needs, more fuel for the "do whatever the hell you want and screw the consequences," philosophy. Needless to say it was hard for me to stomach. Another axe I have to grind is the overwhelming negative portrayal of men in this film. According to this movie all young boys are morons, rapists, and have no appreciation for women as human beings at all. See, boys and girls, that's what we call feminist sexism. Sorry but not all guys are scum bags and not all women are wonderful. Actually, we're all human and have faults. And of course the main character's brother is a metal head that treats women like dirt, is prone to violence, and has no respect for his parents. Oh and he's in love with his sister in a sexual way. Metalhead and punks are always easy targets but i would have expected a bit more from a liberal crap fest then that. Once again, not all of us are scum bags, in fact most metal heads and punks are downright decent hard working blue collar folk.

Whew, that being said the film itself aside from the totally disgusting, infuriating and abhorrent political philosophy and sexist characterizations, isn't all that bad i guess. The film is competently directed and acted and has some seriously gross gore. In fact I get the feeling that when the film was sent out to festivals, there was less gore, and that for the dimension extreme release they stuck some juicy bits in to appeal to the horror audience.

In the end Teeth just has too obvious of a liberal feminist anti religion anti moral anti male axe to grind for me to swallow the rest of the film. If you believe in global warming, peace through pacifism, vegetarianism, socialism, and plain old garden variety sexism check this one out. If you have a brain in your head, don't bother.

Gore- medium

Nudity-plenty of severed man parts if that's your thing

Overall - 3/10

Broceliande (2002) 5/10

2008-07-06T21:08:00.000-07:00

So I'm a huge fan of the recent new wave of grisly french horror. I picked up Broceliande thinking that although it wouldn't be gory, perhaps it would still be compelling. It was, up to a point.

Broceliande is about a young girl attending archeology school. She helps to uncover a druidic temple with her class, but when her teachers and class mates end up dead its up to her to discover who, or what is killing these people.

I was expecting some crazy awesome ghost or monster killer type stuff and in the last fifteen minutes there is indeed a monster of sorts but by that point it was really to little to late. The film progresses much like an Italian giallo up until about the halfway point and after that the film devolves into a chase sequence through ancient catacombs....for about 45 minutes. The film completely goes off the rails at this point and becomes nothing more then a silly action sequence that isn't competently acted nor directed. I will say that the monster is pretty damn cool looking and its a wonder why they didn't pull it out earlier.

In the end Broceliande's pacing is terrible and seems like half a giallo, half an American action cheese fest, but it adds up to a mediocre forgettable film that does nothing to further the french horror cause.

Gore- mild

Nudity-mild

Overall - 5/10

School Of The Holy Beast (1974) 6/10

2008-06-26T23:25:00.000-07:00

School Of The Holy Beast is one of the most infamous "nunsploitation" films out there along with fitting snugly into the Japanese "pinky violence" genre. Too bad its a bit of a snoozer.

School Of The Holy Beast is about a young girl that poses as a nun to gain access to the abbey where her mom lived and died mysteriously to find out what really happened to her.

School...is beautifully directed with wonderful fiery reds and cold blues throughout the film. Stain glass windows were obviously used as a template for the color sceme in the film and it words beautifully. There's quite a few great sequences and vantage point shots sprinkled throughout the film as well. The problem is there's alot of talk but not alot of action. Sure there's some crazy torture scenes and nun on nun stuff but mostly the nuns sit around and talk. The film is mostly dialogue and it really slows the pacing down to a crawl. For a film so beautifully directed, it was hard to watch. Hell the script ain't half bad either. Not too original but certainly it had potential. There's just too much yak and not enough smack to put it in a rude way.

School Of The Holy Beast is a beautifully directed film that drags due to too much dialogue and not enough action. If you have patience, check it out.

Gore-mild

Nudity - medium

Overall - 6/10

Deadbeat At Dawn (1988) 6/10

2008-06-26T23:16:00.000-07:00

Recently I watched and reviewed The Manson Family directed by Jim Van Bebber and I really loved it. Knowing that Deadbeat At Dawn was his first opus, I was really excited to see it. Notice how I said, was?

Deadbeat At Dawn is about Goose a local gang leader who tries to leave the gang life behind but when his girlfriend is beaten to death by a rival gang, he returns to the life to seek his revenge.

So I know Deadbeat was done on a nothing budget so I'm not going to hold its rough and small scale production against it. However I don't really see why the film has achieved such a cult status. Impaled has used clips from the movie for their records so I figured that was pretty good cred. Apparently not. The film is really nothing more then a blaxsploitation film done with white guys. Its fairly entertaining but I couldn't help thinking about Superfly while i was watching it. Beyond its unoriginal script it is fairly well acted and well shot, with some great gunshot gore and it's short run time also helps the film's watchability (yeah, its a word ain't it?) but I was left feeling unimpressed. I suppose it's yet another cult film that's been hyped up a bit too much.

Deadbeat At Dawn is a fun film if a mediocre one. To see Van Bebber's real talent shine, check out his later effort, The Manson Family.

Gore-mild/medium

Nudity-mild

Overall - 6/10

Addio Zio Tom (1971) 6/10

2008-06-26T22:53:00.000-07:00

Addio Zio Tom (Goodbye Uncle Tom) is the 4th film from Gualtiero Jacopetti & Franco E. Prosperi who became famous with Mondo Cane & Mondo Cane 2 and became infamous with Africa Addio. After the release of Africa Addio the directors were critizied for being racist and were even indicted on charges based on the suspicion that they paid rebels to execute a prisoner so they could film it for their documentary. Addio Zio Tom is a response to the racist allegations and was supposed to show how un-racist they actually were. They failed...miserably.

Addio Zio Tom is done in the "mondo" documentary style that the duo created in the 1960s, using mostly narration with little dialogue from the subjects as well as showing outrageous and often disgusting footage. This film is a narrative done in the mondo style however. The duo travel back in time and visit American slave plantations and point out how awful the whites were to them.

So a film that was supposed to show how unprejudiced the duo are is actually incredibly racist. First of all they make all whites stupid, greedy, evil, masochistic, and amoral. Now some of the information they provide is probably true, and indeed those were certainly dark times, but they go on to show that modern white Americans are also stupid, greedy, evil, masochistic, and amoral. I guess they were trying to say that white Americans will never change and are programmed to be terrible human beings. Sounds like racism to me. Beyond that there's a heap of racism directed towards the black slaves. They show them to be traitorous to their own kind and willing to sell anyone out for the favor of their master. They also show that modern blacks are militant, violent, racist and dangerous. This is also highly racist. They tried so hard to prove that they didn't hate black people but ended up showing that not only do they hate blacks, but whites too. Its hard to judge a film like this. Is it extreme? Certainly. Is it entertaining and/or watchable? Yes, but difficult to swallow too. Its hard to not get angry at a film that is so blatantly narrow minded and deceptive. Of course I've come to expect deception from these guys and to take each film they've done with a grain of salt but this one perhaps goes too far.

In the end Addio Zio Tom (Goodbye Uncle Tom) is an important film for the simple fact that we can see clearly how information and imagery can be tweaked to suit the agenda of the makers. Its a warning to us all. Don't believe everything you see, especially documentaries, they have a viewpoint and an agenda and the information will be slanted to support that agenda.

Gore-mild

Nudity-Very heavy

Overall - 6/10

The Beast (1975) 5/10

2008-06-26T19:16:00.000-07:00

So I wanted to check out The Beast since I heard it was an adult beauty and the beast tale, thinking it would have some gore and some nudity. Well, there's no gore to speak of but I did get the nudity, but not the nudity i wanted.

The Beast is about a young woman who is to be married to a young man in a pre-arranged marriage bringing together the two powerful and rich families. The young woman finds a book of literature written by the family's ancestor about her finding a beast out in the woods that she copulated with. So while the young woman waits to be wed she reads the book and fantasizes about the beast taking the woman in the story.

So the film is pretty damn slow going and although its supposed to take place in the year in which it was made, it certainly feels like a stuffy old period piece film filled with scandal and intrigue. Let me begin by saying that the first ten minutes or so is nothing but two horses mating...graphically. I could have done without that trip down animal planet totally uncensored road. After that theres plenty of talking and talking and you get the idea. Then we are treated to the fantasy of the beast which has nothing to do with the beauty and the beast, and everything to do with beastiality. We never really get to see much of the woman, but we get an eye full of the beast's ding dong as it thrusts and squirts at the woman. Once again, not what I was expecting and not really what I want to see. The beast himself looks like the wolf from the never ending story, just with a huge schlong. Funny, yes, appealing...no.

I don't really know what to say about this one. It's not particular good, but not really that bad either. The acting is solid and the directing is fine, if a bit dry. Honestly there's just way too much beast meat in the film and not enough of anything else. Strange film indeed and one for Eurosleaze fans only.

Gore-none

Nudity-lots of beast wang

Overall - 5/10

Silent Night, Deadly Night (1984) 7/10

2008-06-26T18:46:00.000-07:00

Silent Night, Deadly Night is a film with quite a rare distinction. It seems that the idea of a serial killing Santa released right at Christmas time raised the ire of parent groups and the film was banned in most theatres soon after its release. Is it worth the hype? I would say, yes.

Silent Night Deadly Night is about a young boy who witnesses the murder of his parents and is shipped off to an orphanage. He's terrified of Santa Claus and finds work at a toy store, but when they ask him to dress up like Santa, he snaps and starts delivering out punishment to all the people who where naughty.

The film was never released uncut until now and Anchor Bay had to use two different film stocks to piece it together. That's some dedication and kudos to Anchor Bay for making it happen. The film moves at a very good pace and is filled with great kills and funny lines. Most of the graphic scenes are from a different film stock and the quality certainly changes but its not really that distracting. There's nothing really outstanding about the film however. It is good but certainly not ground breaking. The grue isn't that prevalent and plot is still just another hack-n-slash flick that was hugely popular at the time of it's release. There's nothing that makes the film really stand out other then the ridiculous plot. That being said its still a solid effort with no real complaints from this viewer.

Silent Night, Deadly Night is a fun 80's slasher flick that delivers, even if it is a bit mediocre overall.

Gore-medium

Nudity-mild

Overall - 7/10

Combat Shock (1986) 7/10

2008-06-26T18:28:00.000-07:00

Over the years Troma has become synonymous with low-budget and cheesy, and well...crap. Although Combat Shock was distributed by Troma, it is neither cheesy nor crappy. It is low-budget but does alot with its little funding.

Combat Shock is about Frankie, who's come home from Vietnam a broken and jobless wreck. His wife gave birth to their first child but the child is horribly deformed from all chemicals Frankie was exposed to during the war. Most of the film takes place in a single day as Frankie braves the dangerous ghetto looking for work to feed his family.

Combat Shock was supposedly made for about $40,000 which is quite a feet considering the high action content found in the film. I'm sure most of the budget went straight to the film stock, it being made before the digital revolution. The film is bleak and gives a very jaded look at the life of the Vietnam veteran. Frankie gains no usable skills for civilian life and can only get manual labor work, work that's not available. The acting is pretty descent and the pacing is fairly quick as well. The most startling thing about the film is the environment in which it was shot. They actually shot in some anonymous ghetto out in New York and the streets are filled with debris, graffiti and long over grown grass. Its the perfect setting for the film. Sometimes its hard to believe that places that dilapidated and people that downtrodden exist here in the U.S. and its good to be reminded of how tough life can be.

Combat Shock is a powerful film that was made on a shoestring budget. Even though the budgetary shortcomings are obvious here, it doesn't detract from the all too real struggle that unfolds. Recommended.

Gore-mild

Nudity-none

Overall - 7/10

Irreversible (2002) 7/10

2008-06-26T18:19:00.001-07:00

In the past couple of years we've seen a huge surge in extremely dark and gory French horror. Irreversible is often written of as the start of all this interest in the darkest parts of french life.

Irreversible is about a night filled with tragedy and violence. A woman is vicsiously raped and her boyfriend sets out to find the man responsible and kill him.

The film takes place in the span of a few hours and starts from the horrible conclusion and works backwards to the beginning of the night. The film starts off with chaotic camera work that's barely watchable at the height of the conflict and as the film works backwards to the more stable beginning of the night, the shooting becomes more stable. This is of course jarring, as is the backwards time travel but due to the adept directing, I became used to it. The film's director also did the infamous I Stand Alone so I knew what I was getting into but still the film was very brutal and shocking. This is primarily due to the realism of the situation as well as the abrasive directing style. The film is nicely paced and very well acted. That being said I don't really know why the film is put together backwards. I actually think it might work better as a traditional narrative but it still works here.

Irreversible is a film for serious film people and is graphic and nihilistic. Nothing sweet or nice here. Its a challenging film for those looking for something unique.

Gore-One scene, but a very graphic one

Nudity - medium

Overall - 7/10

Otis (2008) 4/10

2008-06-26T18:10:00.000-07:00

So, I've noticed that since the success of Shaun of the Dead, there's been a whole lot more horror/comedies out there. Good ones too. Like Fido, Severance, Murderparty and others. Otis tries to be one of em, and fails. Miserably.

Otis is about a killer bent on creating and living a fantasy about his brother in law's wife. He kidnaps high school girls and forces them to play along with his sick games.

So Otis is pretty damn crappy. Why? Well it seems to me that although the film is competently acted and directed the overall feeling of the film seems confused. It's almost as if the film was shot as a dead serious horror flick but then someone got the bright idea to cash in on the horror/comedy craze by using silly music from the 80s to lighten the mood. Never once did i crack a smile or find any of the film amusing. I felt that the music was in a stark conflict with the drama onscreen therefore it felt like the soundtrack was trying to force a mood that wasn't there. Once i realized this the film became incredibly painful to watch and very boring as well. I also don't see how a child getting abducted, tortured, and raped as being particularly "funny." The subject matter here is also in a direct conflict with the "light-hearted" approach.

Otis is a cheap attempt to cash in on current horror film trends and should be avoided like the plague.

Gore- mild

Nudity - none
Overall - 4/10

The Strangers (2008) 8/10

2008-06-14T21:46:00.000-07:00

After getting pretty good reviews from horror sites but bad reviews from "normal" critics, I decided to give The Strangers a try. I'm glad I did.

The Strangers is about a young couple who comes home from a wedding reception only to be terrorized by a masked trio.

First off, I've always disliked Liv Tyler in films. In fact, my dislike for her is so strong I almost skipped this one just because she was in it. That being said she actually did a really good job. So did all the actors in fact. The interaction between the couple is well written and well played. Their reactions and conversations to me rang very true to life which helped bring me right into the film, leaving me wide open for some really well placed and well played scares. I don't usually get scared, in fact I can count on one hand how many films have actually freaked me out, and stranger just gave me another finger. The film is pure horror. There are no other elements at work here. The film plays on everyone's fear of our home no longer being safe. This is especially true today with the fear of terrorism floating around our heads. The plot is simple and to the point with tons of tension and action. Considering the film has so few actors, we know from the beginning this won't be a bodycount film. Instead the director gives us just enough time to allow us to get to know the characters and become empathetic. It works very well here. The film is nothing but brutal shocks left and right. This is especially hard to do as the film isn't gory either. The actors and the action is believable so it works. As far as this being a ripoff of Them (ils) one could come to that conclusion, but I sincerely doubt it. The real question is, which one's better? The Strangers.

The Strangers is a well played and well acted film filled with great scares and tension. Check it out in theatres while you still can!

Gore- mild

Nudity- none

Overall - 8/10

The Signal (2008) 6/10

2008-06-14T21:13:00.000-07:00

The Signal is yet another film heavily hyped in horror mags that I knew I just had to check out. Turns out, its uneven and disappointing.

The Signal is about a television broadcast that takes over your mind, turning the viewer into a delusional homicidal maniac. The film was written and directed by three separate people with the intention of making the film into three vignettes, or transmissions as they're called in the film, that are interconnected with each other.

So it sounds like a really cool idea right? Personally I love horror films that comment on our society rather then just simply go with the tried and true zombie kill fest. The unique plot is to be commended for sure. The problem is that because each director has a unique style and emotion that he's trying to convey but each transmission includes the same characters so the overall effect is rather jarring. First we're in an intolerable angsty crapfest that almost killed the whole film for me, then suddenly we're in a dry black comedy/horror and finally we arrive on a tension filled action fest. So the transmissions don't exactly flow well together, especially since the characters personalities change in each transmission. It seems that just as I got used to the current transmission, it changed to the next one. Another beef I have with the film is the fact that each time the transmission changes to the next one, the film stops on a still image with Transmission 2 or 3 written on it, and then the film continues. This stops the film cold and destroys the momentum of the film. That being said the film is at turns weepy, funny, and shocking. The characterization in the first transmission was so bad i almost shut the movie off, but then the second transmission doesn't take itself seriously and just has fun with the subject matter. And then we're back to being serious but more believable in the third transmission.

The bottom line is that The Signal is an uneven film that shows promise but never really captures it. The first transmission is filled with unlikable characters whose actions are completely unbelievable for the most part. The second transmission is entertaining and fun and the third is an ok conclusion to it all. I think these guys should have been on the same page better, or each segment should have been a short film in itself. Using the same characters throughout was a mistake. Check it out if the synopsis intrigues you.

Gore - medium

Nudity - none (well, one dude's butt)

Overall - 6/10

Suicide Club (2002) 7/10

2008-06-14T20:58:00.000-07:00

After watching The Machine Girl, reviewed here as well, I've finally gotten a taste for Japanese horror again. Suicide Club is a film I've been wanting to check out for a while, and I'm glad I Finally did.

Suicide Club is about a series of mass teen suicides in Japan. Over 50 teens jump in front of a subway train and dozens more jump off of buildings to name a few. Its up to a few detectives to find out the cause of the dozens of gruesome deaths before all of Japan is swept up in its fury.

Suicide Club is more bloody then gory. It had been promoted as hyper gory but I don't want to give that impression. More then anything the film is filled with buckets of blood, not viscera. The film is an intelligent commentary on modern day Japan's obsession with media and the heavy influence of it. Of course, just as with The Machine Girl, Suicide Club is hated in its native country as the viewing public there enjoys lighter fair. Mass suicides have indeed happened in Japan so I supposed its no wonder the film isn't very popular. Personally I could have used more action in this film. Its more on the slower side and there's only a handful of suicide scenes. Most of the film follows the detectives in their pursuit of the truth. Having said that the film is expertly directed and very well acted. It has some nice touches of the bizarre, namely an odd character named Genesis, which help to spice the film up.

In the end Suicide Club is an interesting film about our obsession with media and its potentially detrimental impact on our society.

Gore - medium

Nudity - none

Overall - 7/10

Storm (2005) 7/10

2008-06-14T20:42:00.000-07:00

Storm hails from the frosty country of Sweden, a country not normally known for horror output. Storm tries to remedy that, but barely squeaks by with a 7/10.

Storm is about a slick arrogant self centered man named Donny. who runs into a woman fleeing for her life. She hand him a small metal box and tells him to protect it. The problem? The Devil wants the box and will do anything to get it. He's soon hunted by his minions and even pursued in his own memories. Donny must comb through his own subconscious to find the truth. How will he survive?

Storm is a super slick psychological horror film that looks like it came out of America circa 2000. Over saturated colors, jovial flashbacks, fluid action sequences with a dose of creepiness ala Constantine. The problem is that the first hour is a total mess. The script is clumsy and confusing. The film shifts from plot point to plot point like a car with bad transmission. I was left feeling confused but still curious to see if the film would turn into a complete train wreck, or if the loose ends would come together to form a cohesive film. Thankfully the film chose the latter. I will say that there was way too much messing around in the first half and several scenes could have been cut in order to make a much more fluid feeling. After that rough first hour we are sent into Donny's mind and into his skeletons in the closet. The film takes on a Silent Hill vibe visually at this point, with lots of fog and such, and its here that the film really gets onto its feet. The major conflicts are solidified and finally the audience understands what the hell is going on. From here on out the film is engaging, action packed, well acted and very entertaining. Hell it even leaves it open for a sequel, but in a good way.

The bottom line is that although the first half of the film is terribly constructed, if a sequel is made I would check it out given the strength of the second half. That is what elevates the film from a 5 to a 7.

Gore-mild

Nudity - none

Overall - 7/10

The Machine Girl (2008) 7/10

2008-06-14T20:03:00.000-07:00

So I pretty much gave up on Japanese films. The whole J-horror thing got really boring and I became much more interested in European and American horror flicks. After seeing the trailer for The Machine Girl I knew it was time to dive back into films from land of the rising sun.

The Machine Girl is about a girl whose brother is killed by vicious children of yakuza. She seeks revenge but ends up losing her arm instead. A machine gun arm is built for her by a local mechanic also seeking revenge and the carnage ensues.

This film is gory. I mean really, really gory. We're talking blowing up heads, geysers of blood, dismemberments, this one's got it all. Sure the effects are low budget but that only adds to the campy fun of it. The pace is fairly fast and is filled with crazy gory action. The film is shot well and never takes itself too seriously which is a breath of fresh air. There's nothing worse then a weepy action/horror film. I mean, come on its a movie about a schoolgirl with a giant gattling gun for an arm hell bent on revenge. How could it suck? Apparently films like this are actually hated in Japan and are made strictly for the international audience, that's you and me. So even though the film seems painfully Japanese, its probably played up for our benefit.

The Machine Girl is a fun, fast paced action/horror gorefest that's perfect for enjoying late at night with a couple of beers and a couple of friends.

Gore - Very High

Nudity - none

Overall - 7/10

Nightmare Detective (2006) 4/10

2008-06-14T17:45:00.000-07:00

Nightmare Detective was directed by cult Japanese director Shinya Tsukomoto of Tetsuo: The Iron Man and A Snake Of June fame. I was expecting a bizarre creepfest. What i got was a middle of the road borefest.

Nightmare Detective is about a man who convinces people to commit suicide by talking to them over their cell phones. Once asleep the killer attacks the person in their dream, killing them, but in waking life the person is actually killing themselves. Its up to a mentally unstable man to enter the victims dreams to hunt down the killer. Of course he's driven to do this by a tough as nails female detective.

First off, I like the fact that at least the storyline is somewhat different. Sure its a blatant ripoff of A Nightmare on Elm Street, but hey, there haven't been too many of those. Perhaps its a cultural difference that I don't connect with, but I found the characters to be one dimensional and irritating. Since the film is mostly character driven this becomes intolerable after a while. I don't mind crappy characters within reason as long as the plot is action driven, but here we find alot of talking and not alot of doing. Even though the film is nearly 2 hours, the film feels thin and overly simple. That makes for a dull watch indeed. What little action there is in the film is mostly shaky camera-i-don't-know-whats-going-on-but-i-kinda-get-the-idea type stuff. For a film on Dimension's Extreme label, the film is pretty damn tame.

The bottom line is this film feels like a higher budget venture for the director, and nothing more then a money maker to fund more unique and interesting films. Bland city.

Gore-mild

Nudity-none

Overall - 4/10

Dagon (2001) 6/10

2008-06-14T17:34:00.000-07:00

Stuart Gordon is a director I've been trying to keep track of lately. He seems to be doing some very interesting work from the brutal King Of The Ants to the unique Edmond, he's really diversified his work. Dagon, is much closer to his Re-Animator roots. In fact it is once again an H.P. Lovecraft adaptation, and once again does not re-create the original feeling of the material from which it is based.

Dagon is about a couple shipwrecked seeking refuge on a small island inhabited by half-men half-fish that worship a giant see creature. Of course the townspeople want to kill the interlopers and chases ensue.

As I stated I am indeed a fan of Stuart Gordon, but Dagon is one of his weaker entries. The characters are incredibly irritating causing me to simply not give a damn about what happened on screen. They act and react unreasonably and often times frustratingly. There is some good action but the overall plot feels pretty thin, especially in the second act. The meat of the film is left for the conclusion and by that point I had already checked out. Visually the film is shot on video and is just a notch above standard sci-fi fare. In fact, I remember catching some of this on sci-fi a few years ago, and changing it due to the reasons I've stated above. That being said, its incredibly refreshing to see a horror movie that doesn't have vampires, zombies, or serial killers. I commend any film that tries to expand the horror genre, rather then simply repeating whats already been done. It is this sole reason that elevates the film from a 5, to a 6.

If you can get past the abhorrent characters, Dagon is a pretty fun ride in a mindless carnage kind of way.

Gore- mild/medium

Nudity - none

Overall - 6/10

Nightmares In A Damaged Brain (1981) 7/10

2008-06-14T09:45:00.003-07:00

Nightmares In A Damaged Brain is one of the more notorious of the 74 Video Nasties of the early 80's. In fact this film was often used as the posterboy for the movement to ban films in England. Given the subject matter, its easy to see why.

A man suffering from schizophrenia and with homicidal tendencies plagued by a vivid night mare of decapitation is "cured" by a new miracle drug and released from an asylum. Once on the streets the man prowls sex clubs until one night, viewing a peep show he snaps and decides to go to his childhood home and kill all the occupants, killing women along the way.

Nightmare moves quickly enough with brief flash backs of violence to spice up the pace and keep us from becoming too bored with the interplay of the family that currently habitates the killer's home. The actor playing the killer does a superb job at.... well, being creepy. The violence found within is pretty graphic though not really believable gore. It often looks like red paint squirting out of a dummy, which I'm sure it was. Having said that, I did get sucked into the plot and found myself getting a bit creeped out and a bit disgusted during the kill scenes, which is saying alot since the film is done with very little money or expertise. The ending is especially creepy and brutal, elevating the film beyond being just another cheesy slasher flick.

Nightmare is a film that actually deserves to be on the Video Nasty list and is essential for completests as well as slasher fans. Its hard to track down but hopefully someone will release it eventually so we can all enjoy the red paint fury squirting from bloody stumps.

Gore - medium

Nudity - some

Overall - 6/10

Ilsa: Harem Keeper Of The Oil Sheiks (1976) 5/10

2008-06-14T09:45:00.002-07:00

So a friend of mine a few years ago introduced me to a lady named Ilsa. She was kinda rough but beautiful you know? She was in charge of a prison camp that time, this time she's in charge of a middle eastern harem. She was better in the prison camp.

Ilsa: Harem Keeper of the Oil Sheiks once again stars Ilsa as a dominating evil authoritarian. This time shes out in the land of sand kidnapping women to be sold as sex slaves for the pleasure of rich Sheiks. She keeps the best for her benefactor while plotting to overthrow him. Enter an American diplomat and his military escort sent to find out the truth and rescue the women.

In structure the film is very similar to Ilsa She Wolf of the SS. In practice, however, the film is slow and very simple. There isn't enough action to keep the film's pace up and the ridiculous factor isn't as high as in SS. Because this film doesn't outdo anything that its predecessor did, the film feels bland by comparison. Its still an okay watch but I kept waiting for crazy stuff to happen, and was let down by the small amounts that are sprinkled conservatively throughout.

If you haven't seen Ilsa She Wolf Of the SS, start their first. If you have, then watch Keeper of the Oil Sheiks only if you absolutely love She Wolf.

Gore - mild/medium

Nudity - high

Overall - 5/10

Ghost Story (1981) 4/10

2008-06-14T09:45:00.001-07:00

So I figured a film called Ghost Story starring Fred Astaire in his last days would at least be classy and spooky. Guess I figured wrong.

Ghost Story is about a group of old men living in a small town harboring a terrible secret. When people close to them start dying they must finally face the tragedy that befell them so many years ago.

The film is filled with talented actors phoning in their performances. I mean who would expect a cast of veteran actors to perform so blandly and unbelievably? Beyond that the script is filled with long flash backs, so long in fact that when the audience is brought back to the present it feels jarring and unnatural. We get used to the past and then are forced back into the present, when we really want to know what happened next in the flash back. It makes for a confusing and frustrating watch. There is some great spooky makeup effects but there are too many characters and too little action. Most of the plot points take place in the past so the film is constantly going back in time to keep us interested in the present, which doesn't work at all.

The bottom line is that you have a film filled with poor performances, flash backs, and a slow pace. The film feels confusing and terribly slow. Avoid

Gore - none

Nudity -very little

Overall - 4/10

Alone In The Dark (1982) 7/10

2008-06-14T09:45:00.000-07:00

When I was a kid I remember seeing the VHS box for Alone in the Dark. It had a closeup of a man's leg with a large axe resting against it. I knew it would be awesome, but my folks never let me rent it. Well I finally got around to it and I've really been missing out. Looks like i was right.

Alone In The Dark is about a small town with an asylum for the criminally insane. The entire place is controlled by electricity, so when the power goes out one night, the patients are free to escape and wreak havoc on the town. Enter a small band of the worst of the worst that are hell bent on killing their doctor and his family.

The film has great performances by a wonderful cast, including Martin Landau, Jack Palance and Donald Pleasance. The family interaction is really well written and you get a sense that the members actually love and care about each other. One of my biggest beefs with horror flicks is the terrible characterization found in most. Here everything feels spot on. The pace of the film is very quick, especially considering it came out in 1982! There isn't much gore here, but there is plenty of tension created by great performances and adept directing by Jack Shoulder (The Hidden, Nightmare 2, Wishmaster 2.)

What we have here is a real gem from a time filled with rip offs, thin plots, and terrible acting. This is how horror films are supposed to be made. Great script, great acting, and great directing. Good stuff all around.

Gore - mild

Nudity - mild

Overall - 7/10

Murder-Set-Pieces (2004) 4/10

2008-06-01T20:55:00.000-07:00

So with this update I've decided to dig up some real nasties to see what they're really made of. What I've found is that mostly they're made of crap.

Murder-Set-Pieces is about a German man living in America that makes his money by photographing pornography by day, and by night picking up strippers and hookers only to savagely rape and murder them and sometimes...eat them. Not exactly the type of film that's going to get much exposure outside extreme horror circles, and for good reason. It ain't too good.

First of all there's quite a few scenes of the 9/11 attacks and I don't really see the connection between them and the film. In fact the killer even makes a mention about the attacks but still the connection is unclear. If a film is going to use such powerful and polarizing footage there really needs to be a strongly motivated reason for it. Otherwise, as here, it comes off as confusing and offensive. That being said the film is fairly well acted and shot and has buckets and buckets of gore. Along with that there is also a heap of nudity but its usually used during graphic and stomach churning rape scenes. Ok, so I've seen plenty of extreme films use rape and murder as an extreme way of conveying some sort of message but here I couldn't really find any. So it comes off as exploitative and honestly revolting. I almost turned the film off several times because of just how extreme and disturbing it really is. More then that the plot is riddled with holes and seems to go nowhere for quite a while. I was left wondering where the hell the film was going and if I even wanted to bother going along with it. The killer's own actions throughout the film make no sense. After having killed several women he goes into a porn shop looking for a snuff film. Why bother if you've already done it in real life? Why bother having a girlfriend when he obviously hates women? I mean one could reason it out but really it seems to be placed in the film to try to detract from the savagery found throughout, as well as to give us some characters we care about. They don't motivate much of the plot and they're poorly drawn out at best. The only motivation for the killer's actions that i could find stems from his Nazi grandfather and the killers own beliefs in eugenics.

Murder-Set-Pieces is a repugnant film with a clumsy script that does nothing to deepen or broaden the horror genre. It's more of a poster child for everything that's wrong with horror these days. This one's for those viewers out there looking to test their mettle only.

Gore - High

Nudity - High

Overall - 4/10

Lucker The Necrophageous (1986) 3/10

2008-06-01T20:45:00.000-07:00

Lucker The Necrphagous was banned in its native Belgium when it first was released. If only it could have been banned here as well.

The film is about a sadistic killer who goes around killing women and then raping their dead bodies long after they begin to rot. In this sense it plays almost like Nekromantic, and that's not a compliment. The film was apparently improperly stored so the film stock is heavily damaged. My guess is that even if the film was in pristine quality it would still be dreadfully boring and repulsive. See, the problem is that Lucker, the killer, has virtually no lines throughout the film. He just goes around killing women but gives no insight as to why he's doing it. Even though the film is just over an hour, I had trouble just getting through it. Its not until the very end we find out that his motivation to kill stems from being scorned by a former lover. Doesn't really seem like a strong enough motivation to me, but then again the guy's a whacko. I would have liked to have seen a bit more insight into his psyche rather then silent moping that turns into violent rage.

What we have here is a low rent rip off of Maniac, one of my personal favorites, that does nothing to add to the nihilistic subgenre it belongs to. If we're going to follow the killer throughout the whole movie there needs to be some sort of conflict. Either the character has to be pursued by the cops, or by his own personal demons. Shit I dunno, something. An hour of pointless killing with almost no dialogue gets old quick. This one's for gorehounds and necrophiliacs only.

Gore - medium

Nudity - some

Overall - 3/10

Women's Prison Massacre (1983) 7/10

2008-06-01T20:31:00.000-07:00

Women's Prison Massacre is yet another sleaze fest from Bruno Mattei. Much like his other films, this exploitation flick is filled with everything I've come to expect from the genre: nudity, gore, violence, and a ridiculous plot. This one has them all in spades.

Laura Gesmer once again plays the beautiful and oft troubled Emannuelle. This time she's an investigative reporter that gets sent to prison after she gets too close to a powerful politician. She is met upon arriving a system of brutality ruled by the strongest inmates and corrupt guards. Emannuelle must fight back to stay alive in this concrete jungle. Things go from bad to worse when a group of men convicted of rape and murder are sent to the prison temporarily but take over and hold the women hostage. Now the real fight for life begins.

Women's Prison Massacre is filled with totally cheesy lines like, " I hate you so much I want to bite your nipples off!" Even if I tried to spoof flicks like this I doubt I could come up with a more ludicrous line then that! Lots of baton beatings ensue as well, and many of the strikes come out of nowhere adding to the hilarity of the film. This is yet another perfect example of a film being so bad its good. Of course the film is pretty distasteful as well as is the case with most of these films, several rapes occur too but at least the men get whats coming to them I suppose.

Overall, Women's Prison Massacre is a great cheesy exploitation flick and does indeed live up to its reputation. Check it out if you're a fan of Italian flicks done in the worst taste possible.

Gore - mild/medium

Nudity - medium

Overall - 7/10

Prom Night (1980) 3/10

2008-06-01T19:53:00.000-07:00

So I figured that if an older film was good enough for a modern remake and garnered four sequels, perhaps the original is worth checking out. Nope. Apparently it doesn't mean much in the case of Prom Night.

A group of kids playing in an abandoned building accidentally cause the death of one of the children in this early 80's snoozer. The kids keep the cause of the death secret but when they start dropping like flies right before prom perhaps the only thing that can save them, is the truth.

So after Jamie Lee Curtis' breakout role in Halloween I & II she continued with her horror fame in Prom Night and later in The Fog. See its like a shit sandwich here. Great films before and after and Prom Night is just the crap in between. The film's pacing is unbearably slow and the killings are all off camera! The acting isn't very good and neither is the directing. During the third act there's more silly disco dancing then killing/action. I didn't check this out to get a lesson in humiliating dance moves. If I wanted that, all I'd have to do is turn on So You Think You Can Dance. The same crappy disco song is repeated so many times throughout the last act that I think it'll take a lobotomy to get it out. And to be honest a lobotomy would be a lot more interesting then this stinker.

Bottom line, no gore + bad music + slow pacing = 1 unsatisfied viewer. Next.

Gore - mild

Nudity - none

Overall - 3/10

Night Train To Terror (1985) 5/10

2008-06-01T19:41:00.000-07:00

Night Train To Terror was billed to me as being a "super gory" mid 80s fright fest. Of that I must disagree.

Night Train To Terror is about the struggle between good and evil. Really, no kidding. The devil and God are riding on a train and reviewing "cases" to decide who goes to hell and who gets into heaven. So, it's structure is akin to Creepshow and Trilogy of Terror but its implementation is mediocre at best.

I enjoyed the overall idea of the film very much but each of the stories feel more like misfires then slam dunks which given the subject matter certainly could have been. The plots of each are pretty good though a bit unoriginal. The pacing and the clarity of each is where the real problem lies. The gore found in the film is fairly plentiful but is mostly very cheesy and unbelievable. We're talking mannequins squirting blood. The acting is pretty good, even featuring Richard Moll, Bull from Night Court. The soundtrack in the film is atrocious however. There's an especially irritating and silly dance sequence used as an extremely clumsy segue between scenes. In fact that's a pretty accurate description of the film as a whole, clumsy.

Overall Night Train To Terror has an interesting story but the implementation of the story is clumsy and silly. This makes for an entertaining ride as long as you have a good sense of humor and enjoy the absurd. Watch it if you dig 80's cheese and have some friends to share the experience with.

Gore - mild/medium

Nudity - none

Overall - 5/10

Faceless (1987) 6/10

2008-06-01T17:27:00.000-07:00

I've tried to watch several Jess Franco films and I've always had a hard time swallowing the crapfests that usually ensued. Yet still, there are so many fans of his work that maybe I've just missed out on his more important work. Faceless is at least the most watchable film I've viewed from him yet.

Faceless is about a brilliant plastic surgeon whose sister's face is burned with acid in an attack meant for him. He promises her that he'll fix the damage and make her beautiful once more, but after realizing nothing short of a full face transplant will help her he sets out to do the impossible. He will kidnap women and attempt to transfer a beautiful face in place of her damaged one. Sounds like a superficial face off right?

What we have here is some eurosleaze that is horrific though not really a horror film. Its more of a thriller gone bad I guess. The script is decent and with enough action and tension to at least keep me watching to the end, which is more then i can say about any other Franco film I've seen. The acting, though dubbed, is also bearable and the directing is downright competent.

As I've said, I'm no fan of Franco yet, and this film does little to make me a believer. It is a pretty good film, but not a great one. Check it out if it crosses your path, but I wouldn't bother hunting it down.

Gore - mild/medium

Nudity - some

Overall - 6/10

Slugs (1987) 8/10

2008-06-01T17:16:00.000-07:00

When I was a child I used to spend my days scouring our yard for snails and slugs to smash between my little fingers. Gross I know, but hey, I was a kid I didn't know any better. Had I seen this awesome gorefest, I bet I would have thought twice.

Slugs, directed by Juan Simon of Pieces fame, is about a small town plagued with carnivorous slugs hell bent on eating everyone. Pretty simple right? The best ideas usually are.

Let me begin by saying that this is by no means a "good," movie. It is, however, an amazing schlock fest that tickled this gorehound's funny bone time and time again. First of all, how can a film possibly make slow moving black slugs scary? Its nearly impossible so the characters reactions to this seemingly innocuous creatures is itself hilarious. Beyond that the over the top action in the film is also ridiculous. Case in point, an old man puts on a glove infested with slugs and instead of trying to take the glove off, he simply chops off his hand with an axe. Is that not crazy awesome or what? The acting is dismal but here it really is, so bad its good. The lines of dialogue are also totally silly with memorable lines like:

Inspector, "Sheriff the town is overrun with carnivorous slugs, I want to declare a state of emergency!"

Sheriff, " You don't have the authority to declare happy birthday!"

Classic right? This film is oozing funny lines and satisfying gore. This is a must see for all 80's horror fans, gorehounds, or anyone who has some easily amused friends and a few beers handy. Great flick, watch it now!

Gore- Medium

Nudity - some

Overall - 8/10

April Fools Day (1986) 4/10

2008-06-01T16:39:00.000-07:00

April Fools Day is one of those movies that Netflix's wonderful recommendation generator constantly shoves in my face. I finally gave in and honestly, it may be the last.

April Fools Day is about a group of college kids who go to an island off the east coast to party in one of the girl's family mansions. Of course one of the kids is a killer and the remaining group must find out who it is before they all die!

Sounds like a pretty run of the mill script that could have some potential right? Wrong. There is only one gore scene in the whole film and the rest of the kills are mostly off camera. Boring. So it turns into a very obvious whodunit after it becomes clear that there will be no grue in this "horror" film. I finished it off more out of a desire to finish what i start rather then a genuine interest in the conclusion. Honestly, i probably would have liked it better had I not finished it. The ending of the film is the most anti-climactic crap fest that ruins what very little the film had going for it. We're taking The Village ending level of suckage here. I won't give it away for an masochists out there that love watching dreck but lets just say it makes having sat through the previous 90 minutes completely useless.

The only thing this film has is a competent director, a decent budget, and passable actors. Good script and gore not included. Why anyone would want to remake this stinker is beyond me. Stay away.

Gore - none

Nudity - none

Overall - 4/10

Splatter University (1984) 3/10

2008-06-01T16:32:00.000-07:00

Splatter University is yet another teen high school/college slasher flick and stands at the bottom of a very large pile.

Splatter University is about kids being picked off one by one at a small Catholic college. The audience then gets to play guess who the killer is and the identity is neither surprising nor interesting. The gore is pretty minimal and what gore there is, sucks. Very poorly executed super cheese, we're talking stabbing a pillow dressed in the character's clothes cheesy. The dialogue is bad, but not so-bad-its-hilarious, just rather bland and useless. The acting is terrible as one might imagine and the performances bring no life to the film. Beyond that the film stock looks like the leftover pieces of film that troma threw away. Yeah its pretty bad.

Splatter University lacks the one thing the title promises, Splatter! Poor performances and a been there done that script bring nothing new or interesting to the table. This one was made solely for profit, and I doubt it even achieved that.

Gore - mild

Nudity - very mild

Overall - 3/10

The Manson Family (2004) 8/10

2008-05-24T19:49:00.000-07:00

The Manson Family took cult director Jim Van Bebber 15 years to complete! Given its kaleidoscopic acid trip feel, i can understand why.

The Manson Family is, of course, about the Manson Family murders but focuses on the Family instead of Manson himself. The Family committed the actual murders so it makes sense to finally see a movie that delves into the mental state of its members.

The film is highly mediated using faked news footage, interviews, narrative drama, montage, as well as a subplot involving a local news anchor and some Manson obsessed freaks hellbent on killing him. The film footage has almost all been altered in some way, whether its with scratches and lines or extreme coloring, flash frames etc, the film feels very old. Its almost as if this was real lost footage found in someones attic, inter cut with "real" interviews with the Family members now recalling their time in the commune. The film works as a documentary, historical document, and narrative all at once. Its a big mish mash of interviews, narrative drama and some seemingly random footage. Put all this together and what you get is a powerful film, shot on a shoestring budget, that is challenging but accessible. The film is engrossing and visually stunning throughout. Sure there's some cheesy stuff here, but by and large the film is believable and engaging. Given the amount of time it took the director to shoot, edit, and finally distribute the film, its amazing it turned out as well as it did. This is truly a hidden gem that deserves a much larger audience.

The film has been charged with being revisionist and untrue but nowhere in the film does it purport that the film is based on hard fact. The film must be taken with a grain of salt and not to be believed explicitly and rather be seen as what the director thinks happened during that time.

The Manson Family blends several genres fluidly and challenges the audience to get inside the drug fueled brains of a group of people convicted of some of the most infamous murders in American history. This is the movie Rob Zombie has been trying to make for years on much higher budgets. The film is filled with nudity and violence and is by no means a pleasant experience, but it shouldn't be. These were dangerous people and the film reflects that danger. Check it out if you're in the mood for something that will more then likely offend and challenge you. Recommended.

Gore - mild

Nudity - Very High

Overall - 8/10

Them (2007) 7/10

2008-05-24T19:36:00.000-07:00

Them is another French fright flick to come out recently and has gotten considerable buzz to boot. The directors went on to direct the maligned remake of The Eye and hopefully will fulfill their potential with their next picture. That being said, once again, this french import among others, was blown up to be much better then it actually is.

Them is about a young couple living in an old mansion out in Romania. One night they are attacked by unseen assailants and are terrorized all night long. I don't want to give away too much so I'll just leave it at that.

Perhaps I had too high of expectations when I popped this one into the ole dvd player but I'm left feeling let down. Sure its creepy. Sure its very simplistic and realistic. The reality of Funny Games comes to mind but really its not the best thing since sliced bread. We get to spend time getting to know the characters but because we don't see the attack coming and don't know who it is or why they're doing it, i personally didn't feel too freaked out. It was trying very hard to be believable and realistic, especially since the film is based on a true story, but i felt that the lack of information made the film feel thin and too action driven. It was emotionally based and has no real twists or character development. All it is is a night of terror. That's it.

I know many people love this film because of its simplicity and pure terror. The film has trimmed all the fat. The film really is nothing but horror. Personally I felt it made the film feel thin overall. Curves look good on a woman, and well rounded films are usually more satisfying. Keep some fat, its good for ya!

Gore - mild

Nudity - none

Overall - 7/10

Frontier(s) (2007) 7/10

2008-05-24T19:20:00.000-07:00

Frontier(s) is another French new wave gore flick and has been promoted as being the goriest. In fact it had a very limited theatrical run here in the U.S. and was rated NC-17 due solely to the gore content. The problem? Its not actually all that gory, or original for that matter.

Frontier(s) is about a group of bank robbers on the run after a recent score that finds themselves at an isolated inn out in the country. The trouble is the inn is run by a family of Nazi cannibals. Yup, Nazi Cannibals. Sounds like a plot straight from the 70's right?

As is becoming common in the land of mimes, the main character and hero of the film is a woman. Here in America heroines are usually played by completely irritating foul mouthed teenaged whiners. Not here. The heroine of this flick is actually believable, watchable, and entertaining. The family is picked off one by one by various members of the family, including a giant butcher. The whole film is one big Texas Chainsaw Massacre ripoff but the director makes no bones about it. In interviews he's owned up to the "homage" and admits lifting several elements from other more well known films. This lack of originality made me a bit less interested as the plot wears on. Personally I'm not a fan of remakes, homages, nostalgia, or blatant rip-offs. If i want to watch a 70s flick, I'll watch one. Having said that the film is beautifully shot on 35mm and has a fast paced plot, some good kill scenes, well cast foes, and a pretty good script. The gore content is certainly there but I felt let down after hearing about its rating. Sure its pretty damn grisly, but by no means is it the goriest french import we've seen so far.

In the end Frontier(s) lacks an original voice, and because of that it will probably be forgotten amidst more popular, and often better films. It's worth checking out as it does fit in nicely with Hostel, High Tension, and many other contemporary shock fests, it just doesn't stick out in the crowd very much.

Gore - medium/high

Nudity - mild

Overall - 7/10

Antropophagus 2 (1982) 5/10

2008-05-24T19:09:00.000-07:00

Anthropophagous 2, also known as Absurd and Rosso Sangre is one of the 74 video nasties banned in England. Being part of that list is probably the only thing that has saved this mediocre offering from absolute obscurity.

Directed by the infamous Joe D'Amato, Anthropophagous 2 is about a "monster" man, played by George Eastman, that can revive his own dead cells. This of course makes him very hard to kill and so he goes on a murderous rampage. An old priest is the only one that knows his single weakness, and the only one that can stop his slayings.

Gotta love the no budget Joe D'Amato "aesthetic." The "monster" looks like any normal man and sports only a beard and dark clothing. Spooky huh? The film is an in-title-only sequel as it has nothing to do with Anthropophagous. The film is pretty slow moving and surprisingly has no nudity or sex. This is certainly rare since Joe D'Amato supported himself by making porn when he wasn't making super cheesy exploitation flicks. There is some gore, but not all that much, though when its there, its pretty damn great.

Anthropophagous 2 is for video nasty and Joe D'Amato completists only since this one doesn't have enough to offer to legitimize the search it takes to find this obscure flick.

Gore - mild/medium

Nudity - none

Overall - 5/10

Slime City (1989) 6/10

2008-05-24T17:07:00.000-07:00

Slime City should have been a troma movie. It wasn't, but it could have been.

Slime City is about a young man named Alex that moves into an old apartment building filled with creepy tenants. His neighbors include a slutty goth chick and a guy who looks like an extra in a Smiths video. After being fed anonymous green slime by a friendly neighbor, Alex hungers. Hungers for murder most foul! If he doesn't kill, he starts to turn into slime, can he break the addiction before it takes over him?

What we have here is a super low budget straight to video troma-esque flick, complete with crappy quality film stock, terrible acting, and cheesy effects. Every now and then I'm in the mood for a troma flick and this one fed that appetite perfectly. I loved the goopy messy makeup effects when Alex starts to come apart especially. This is a great metaphor for drug abuse taking over your life and making the addict do crazy things for the drug. The film was made during the Reagan era push in the war on drugs and the influence is felt here. Beyond that the slutty goth chick is a riot with her giant 80's hair and low rent Elvira clothes. There's a silly subplot about demonic possession that rounds out the film nicely.

I can't recommend this as a "good" film, but it's certainly fun and filled with that great DIY attitude.

Gore - mild/medium

Nudity - none

Overall - 6/10

Malefique (2002) 6/10

2008-05-24T16:56:00.000-07:00

Malefique is yet another in a slew of French fright films to come out in recent years. Due to the success of films like High Tension, Inside, and Them, Malefique finally sees American distribution.

Malefique is about a group of prisoners stuck in a French prison. They find a book of spells hidden inside the cell that was once owned by a previous prisoner practicing the dark arts. The current start combing through the book hoping to find a spell that will release them, but what they find is...TERROR!

So this is a pretty inventive flick that takes place almost solely inside one prision cell. The fact that the film is engaging and interesting throughout is a testament to the director's ability alone. The characters are fairly well drawn out and have pretty distinct personalities. Since the film does take place in one location the bulk of the film is driven by dialogue, which is ok but eventually loses its punch. Is it gory? Sure, at certain points but the film isn't really a gore flick like it's being promoted as. Although the film is already six years old, it doesn't seem dated which can be attributed to the single location as well as a subtle color scheme. All in all the film just feels kinda dull. Sure, its watchable and I wanted to finish it, but by the end I just didn't really care so much. I feel that the film's single room location was stretched just a bit too thin and could have benefited with maybe a little bit more action and less dialogue.

Malifique isn't a bad movie, but it isn't great either. If the synopsis sounds interesting and if you really like the french new wave of horror, check it out. If you're new to the scene look elsewhere first.

Gore - mild/medium

Nudity - none

Overall - 6/10

Nail Gun Massacre (1985) 5/10

2008-05-24T16:44:00.000-07:00

Nail Gun Massacre. Great name for a horror flick right? I mean, how could a movie about a nail gun toting serial killer be bad huh? The directors should be celebrated here, they did the impossible. Made said movie a pile of crap.

Nail Gun Massacre is a low budget cheapie shot in Texas. A young woman is brutally raped by a gang of good ol' boys and soon after the gang begins to turn up dead, riddled with nails. The killer is decked out in a motorcycle helmet and leather body suit so the identity of the killer is unknown. Is it the woman, or someone else seeking revenge on her behalf?

The problem with the film is that when the killer strikes, we don't see the nails entering the body. I know that sounds grotesque but when a gun is fired, i expect to see the wound occur just like in any conventional Hollywood shoot em up. I mean, how hard would it have been to shoot a dummy with a nail gun? Or maybe stick the nails in the victims, pull the nails out with a string, and then edit it in reverse? Seems pretty simple. And this simple oversight takes away most of the punch the film could have had. Of course the plot is weak and the acting is terrible, but that's to be expected. There's a high body count but none of the kills are satisfying.

This movie could have been great. It wasn't. I guess that's why its a lesser known flick. It had tons of campy potential, but its all spoiled by not giving us what we signed up for, gore.

Gore - mild

Nudity - some

Overall - 5/10

Humanoids From The Deep (1980) 7/10

2008-05-22T23:26:00.001-07:00

Humaniods From The Deep is a cheap creature feature about fish-men that have come to shore to kill, and to mate....with humans....yeah....fish monster sex.

Of course Humanoids From The Deep comes from the Roger Corman vaults. Who else could have produced such a silly movie? Anyway, Humanoids works on the same principle as Jaws. Don't show the monster till the end cuz he's kinda crappy looking. The Humaniod is super cheesy, making the creature from the Black Lagoon look like a masterpiece. When a cannery comes to a small sleepy fishing town to boost the local economy, ecologists as well as native Americans take exception to the new development. Cue the humanoids to start tearing shit up to bring the town together in this anti-development and anti-corporate film.

Humanoids does indeed show creatures "mating" with human women. Its a very awkward affair that looks hilarious until you realize the women are being raped. Yeah...its kinda hard to swallow. At the end of the film the humanoids attack a local fair en masse and the gore ensues. We don't really see much until this point but the plot is still fairly action packed and interesting.

In the end this one's pretty hokey but perfect for viewing with friends with a good sense of humor.

Gore - medium

Nudity -medium

Overall - 7/10

The Prolwer (1981) 8/10

2008-05-22T23:17:00.000-07:00

The Prowler is yet another stalk-n-slash flick from the early 80's. It was released around the same time as The Burning, Friday The 13th, and Maniac, all of which, including The Prowler, have make-up effects by none other then Tom Savini. Why is the Prowler so unknown? I have no idea cuz this movie KILLS!

The Prowler is about a WWII vet that goes on a rampage with a machete and pitchfork. Awesome. Simple and easy.

The Prowler is filled with crazy kills and buckets of gore! We're talking throat slashing, pitchfork impaling, head exploding and more! Best of all, all the penetration shots are intact so the gore is that much more real and graphic. Awesome. The killer looks totally awesome too. He wears a WWII uniform with a crazy helmet and gas mask. Awesome as well. The kill count is pretty high here and totally satisfying. There's decent acting and the pacing is perfect.

What we have here is the perfect 80's gory slasher flick. It's not the most original film in the world but it makes up for it with great gore, crazy kills, and a fast pace. Yet another testament to the greatness of Tom Savini. This one oughta be up there with the Burning and Friday. Did I mention it was awesome?

Gore - medium/high

Nudity - some

Overall - 8/10

Mark Of Cain (2007) 8/10

2008-05-22T23:09:00.001-07:00

I love prison tattoos. Well let me rephrase that, I love the significance behind prison tattoos. Today many ink crazy humans decide to get whatever they want because it looks "cool," instead of actually doing research as to what that tattoo actually means. The Mark of Cain sets out to discover what some Russian prison tattoos actually mean.

The Mark of Cain is shot on a handheld consumer camcorder so the quality of the image is a bit lacking but the quality of the information and the access the director gets is astounding. Something tells me it's not too easy to get into a Russian prison with a video camera hoping to interview convicted felons. The world Balls comes to mind, especially when a few convicts recount their crimes, in particular, a man that decapitated three men for robbing his mother's grave.

Though roughly shot and edited, The Mark Of Cain is a unique view into the horrible world of a Russian Prison. It details the cultural change within the prison as well as the criminal treatment of the convicts. We also get great detail on what each tattoo means and its significance within the greater prison community. Recommended

Overall - 8/10

The Blob (1988) 7/10

2008-05-18T22:46:00.000-07:00

Why did I never see the Blob as a kid? How did this awesome late 80's special effects grue filled film slip through my fingers?

This late 80's remake pins the Blob's origin not from outerspace, but from our very own US of A. Yes the US has created this super being to destroy those pesky Russians, only its growing much faster then they had anticipated, devouring humans left and right in a small sleepy town. Its up to the goody goody girl and the rebel guy to put a stop to the blob's rampage.

The special effects in this film are great! Sure some of it is pretty cheesy blue screen action, but mostly you'll find wonderful blood filled practical effects that tickle this reviewer's gore bone. The film is fast paced and action packed. Great film for fans of 80's horror silliness. Awesome.

Gore - medium

Nudity - none

Overall - 7/10

The Boarding House (1982) 4/10

2008-05-18T21:49:00.000-07:00

The Boarding House is a cheesy shot on video early 80's slasher that is so bad its....bad.

The Boarding House is about a guy who inherits a sweet pad in Los Angeles and decides to put an ad in the paper looking for "hot chicks," to come live in the house. I'm not joking. After filling the house with said hot chicks a mysterious ghost type being possesses the girls one by one forcing them to kill. Oh and the cool guy with the sweet pad? Though meditation he can move things with his mind, yes, he does use the force. And through most of the film he's hanging out with nothing on but a banana hammock. yuck.

So what we have is a ludicrous plot, terrible acting, way too much man-kini (any man-kini is too much right?), and hot chicks that are usually wearing bikinis or lingerie, but very little nudity, and very little gore. Not much to satisfy this critic. Watch it if you really like 80s cheese for the sake of 80s cheese but don't expect much.

Gore - mild

Nudity - mild

Overall - 4/10

The Living and the Dead (2007) 7/10

2008-05-18T21:38:00.001-07:00

Even though the title may suggest it, The Living and the Dead has absolutely nothing to do with zombies, but it is a commentary on the sick and dying.

The Living and The Dead is about Jame, a mentally handicapped man living at home with his professor father and ill mother. When his father must go on a business trip James decides to lock out the normal caregiver and be his mother's nurse. Things go from bad to worse when James fails at even the simplest task and finds himself alone and over his head.

The film starts off playing on our fears of being completely incapacitated by illness and being taken care of by someone who is not qualified to do it. Because of James' mental handicap we know he can't fulfill the nursing duties and we also cannot be angry at him since he rally doesn't know any better. This puts us directly into the shoes of the victim, and that dear reader, is a place i wouldn't want to be. After playing this note for about a third of the film, the fear changes gears. As James begins to crack up due to stress we are placed directly into his shoes. The director achieves this shift seamlessly so that by the time you realize the perception change you're already in the heart of the terror. Very slick. James begins to hallucinate from not taking his medications and we no longer truly know what is real and what is not, and neither does he. This highly limited narrative style does wonders for this unique film.

The Living and the Dead is a brutally depressing and difficult film that asks many questions of us. Through unconventional story telling techniques and perceptions we delve into territories rarely explored by horror films. Though this film is very unconventional in its structure it is indeed a horror film, because the only emotions found are fear, confusion and loss. Great flick if you're looking to be challenged a bit.

Gore - mild

Nudity - none

Overall - 7/10

Fangoria: Blood Drive (2004) 5/10

2008-05-18T20:10:00.000-07:00

Fangoria's film releases are pretty hit and miss. Dead Meat was awesome, Skinned Alive was total garbage. This first collection of short films is also a mixed bag.

This collection of short films includes a typical slasher flick with an atypical ending, a funny film about a man's severed finger, a zombie musical, as well as more arty fare.

The level of quality and consistency goes from pretty damn pro all the way down to no-budget backyard film. All in all thought there's nothing truly great here. All were decent but none were truly frightening or groundbreaking. Short films have the unique ability to really be experimental or focus on very specific material that wouldn't be possible with a feature. None of the films here really exhibit that.

Nothing great, but nothing terrible found on this disc. Mediocrity abounds.

Gore - medium
Nudity - none
Overall - 5/10