The King Of Kong (2007) 9/10!

Now, I don't usually review documentaries here on the Uncouth blog but this time I just can't help it. The King of Kong is one of the best film I've seen this year, hell it might just be THE best film i've seen this year.

The King of Kong is about old school gaming. There is a group of people out there that are obsessed with old school arcade games and getting the highest score on em. Enter Billy. He's the champ. The man. The guy all the other guys look up to. He's got the highest score on Donkey Kong and has kept it since 1982. Its so high in fact, no one has even come close. Until now. Enter the challenger Steve. He quick and he's good. And he's going to beat Billy's score.

The King of Kong is an excellent David vs. Goliath story. Billy Mitchell is the man. He's the hot sauce king in his neck of the woods, he's successful, and he's got a wife with fake boobs. He's cocky and he's got everything all they other old-school gamers wished they had. He is a god on earth. Steve Wiebe is a man who has never been great at anything. His band never went anywhere, he blew the championships for his baseball team in college, and he got laid off from Boeing the same day he bought a house for his family. Every time this guy tries to succeed he gets screwed somehow. This time, with Donkey Kong, this are gonna be different right? Wrong. Every time he tries to beat the score something happens, and when he finally does beat the score, Billy Mitchell happens. The film does a great job of drawing out the characters of these two men. You can't help but root for the underdog Steve, and hate Billy Mitchell. The great thing is that at the beginning of the film we see Billy Mitchell through the eyes of his peers, as a god. But as the film progresses we start to see faults in his character and inconsistencies between what he says and what he does. The film doesn't demonize him, it just gives him enough rope to hang himself. This film is the real Rocky. I didn't want it to end. I was excited, scared, sad, and jubilant. I felt the same way that Steve felt along his journey and that's saying alot. What an amazing piece of cinema.

Everyone should see this film. Even if you hate video games and documentaries and guys named Steve. Its that good. I promise. Give me more!!

Overall - 9/10

Beyond The Door (1974) 4/10

Beyond The Door is supposed to be the best of the 70's Exorcist rip-offs. If that's true then they might as well bury the rest.

Beyond the door is about a pregnant woman who is having the child of the devil and becomes possessed.

This one's gonna be short because the film is crap. The acting is terrible and flat, as is the direction. It looks like anyone could have directed this film, in fact if ANYBODY else had done it, it probably would have had at least an ounce of style. Watching the film is like watching paint dry but not as fun. Flat lighting, bland colors, and boring shots. Snooze. The dialogue is equally bad and uninspired. Oh, did i mention unbelievable and uninteresting? Yeah, the film has both of those in spades.

Avoid at all costs.

Overall- 4/10

Transsiberian (2008) 7/10

I love Brad Anderson's films. Session 9 is one of my all-time favorite films. The Machinist was great, and his entry in the Masters of Horror was easily one of the best. Needless to say I had high expectations for his newest film, Transsiberian.

Transsiberian is about an American couple taking the transsiberian railway that get mixed up with drug smuggling, murder, and Russian police.

Transsiberian is a subtle, tense, thriller that tries to put the audience in the shoes of some very naive and troubled people. The photography is stunning and the performances by Ben Kingsley and Woody Harrelson are amazing. Looks like Woody is finally back to playing a role that isn't an absolute scumbag, instead a sensitive nice guy. The pacing in the film is pretty slow going. Nothing really happens for the first 45 minutes or so. We spend that time getting to know the characters and what motivates them. The problem is that although I had the attention span for it, I feel that it wasn't necessary to for it to have been so long. When things start happening though the tension is so thick, i felt like i couldn't breathe. The problem is that the film doesn't go for the throat. I know that sounds bad but the film ends too nicely. Sure there's some really grisly interrogation scenes that will keep me out of Russia, but the climax doesn't top it. The film's intensity peaks before its final climax and it left me feeling a bit let down. Everything gets wrapped up neatly at the end of the film and I felt that it was just too clean and neat. A film like this should have ragged edges.

So, Transsiberian is a good entry into Brad Anderson's catalogue but not a great entry as I had hoped.

Gore-mild

Nudity-none

Overall - 7/10

Stuck (2008) 7/10

Stuart Gordon is an interesting director. He became popular in the horror genre after directing Re-Animator and From Beyond and recently he's made some really horrorific films, like the excellent Edmond and the disturbing King of the Ants, but not really horror films. Stuck is another one of these and is certainly the most horrrific film he's done in years.

Stuck is about an old folks home nurse that gets drunk and accidentally hits a man crossing the street. The man flies into the windshield headfirst becoming Stuck. The nurse freaks out and parks her car in her garage, leaving the man in the windshield alive. We spend the rest of the film watching the man suffer in the windshield trying to get out while the nurse tries to figure out what to do with him. And the most f-d up thing about it? Its based on a TRUE story.

To say the film is unpleasant is an understatement. Seeing a poor guy stuck in broken glass for 90 minutes is pretty damn grisly. It would be easy to make the nurse into a monster, which she is, but the script decides to show her as a normal, if screwed up, person. We don't feel sympathy for her but at the same time we can understand why she decides to leave a dying man stuck in her garage. The film rides that fine line between believeable and unbelievable and for the most part stays on the believable side. The acting here is great and the pacing is quick as well.

Gordon has created a film that is watchable yet grisly, interesting but appalling. Its hard to watch but hard not to finish. Unlike most of the grisly horror flicks that have come out in the past few years that the viewer can shut off and forget about, Stuck sticks with you. Remember kids, always cross in a cross walk, otherwise some drunk person is gonna hit you and you'll die a slow painful death.

Gore-mild/medium

Nudity-mild

Overall - 7/10

20 Years After (2007) 7/10

I'm always on the look out for interesting indie flicks that pass below most people's radar. Usually theres a damn good reason why no one's seen it, but 20 years later deserves a bit more attention.

Set in the near future, 20 years after the destruction of human civilization, a young girl is the first woman to become pregnant since the fall of man. Now its up to a band of ragtag survivors to get her safely beyond the blight, searching for an unknown man who's been broadcasting a radio show. Along the way they're hunted by an evil group of survivors that want the child for their own nefarious deeds.

So the synopsis of the film sounds alot like another post apocalyptic sci-fi film i won't mention here, but the film is actually quite different. Sure it's about a pregnant girl in a post apocalyptic world but here there is no evil government. Civilization is already gone. Think the road warrior. On a tiny budget the film is able to create a believable world gone wrong with unique characters, some beautiful photography and well seasoned actors. The plot moves along at a quick pace and is believable.

20 years after is a pretty good post-apocalyptic film about camaraderie, death, and birth. I don't know why in this day and age there aren't more post-apocalyptic films coming out. I can almost hear the Four Horsemen as they approach...

Gore-none

Nudity-none

Overall - 7/10

Jack Brooks: Monster Slayer (2008) 7/10

I love 80's horror flicks, especially late 80's. The films from that period were just so damn fun. Great creatures all created without cgi, heaps of gore and an optimistic vibe. Jack Brooks: Monster Slayer attempts to recapture this time and does a great job doing it with out being redundant.

Jack Brooks is a man with anger problems. Hes a really good guy but lets his temper get the best of him. It all started when he was a kid and saw his family eaten by a monster. Instead of telling people about it, he bottles up the painful memory causing him to explode an inappropriate times. When his teacher (played brilliantly by Robert Englund) finds an ancient evil black heart and subsequently turns into a monster, its up to Jack to use his anger to save the day.

Its very hard write a character that's deeply flawed but still lovable but this film does it very well. I really felt for Jack and was always on his side. His anger issues are delt with in a humorous fashion, mostly he just yells alot, no wife beating or dog kicking here. So yeah, he gets pissed, but he's pretty harmless. Robert Englund does a great job as the wacky science teacher and honestly turns in his best performance in years. The monsters are all very unique and all done with practical effects, no cgi here! The gore is pretty good and the pacing is fast and fun. The film is a pleasure to watch. The only problem is there aren't quite enough monsters and it takes much too long for the science teacher monster to make an appearance. This makes the film feel uneven and drops it from what would have been an 8 or a 9 to a 7 out of 10.

Fun and fast paced Jack Brooks: Monster Slayer is a great indie horror flick that demands a sequel, hell, I'd watch a slew of em if they were all done at this high level of quality. Check it out if you miss the fun 80's horror flicks as much as I do.

Gore - medium

Nudity- none

Overall - 7/10

Cannibal (2006) 7/10

Any reader of this blog knows that I like extreme films. Often I go out of my way to find the sickest most extreme films I can get my grubby little hands on. Cannibal is one of these films and its a doozy.

Cannibal is about a man obsessed with the idea of eating another man alive. He scours the internet until he finally finds someone that wants to be eaten. The eater invites the eaten to a weekend of hardcore sex, alcohol, and of course castration and cannibalism. The sickest part of this whole thing? Its based on a true story.

Given the subject matter, and the obviously niche audience that would want to subject themselves to it, the film has a small budget. But, that small budget is used very wisely. Sure its shot on 24p hd video, but the compositions are beautiful. As the film progresses the overall visual strength of the film grows, so by the end of the film its at its height of quality. This is a unique method of drawing the audience in as the film gets more and more perverse it gets easier and easier to watch. The acting is in German with subtitles but from what i can tell, the guys did a great job and had a heap of courage to pull off such a graphic and offensive film. To say the film has some nudity in is to say willy wonka makes some candy. About halfway through the film its as if the actors lost their pants. Once again, it takes a lot of courage to be naked so much in a film, especially for a man. The gore is very realistic and rather nauseating. The image of one man trying to bite off another's genitalia and failing because its too tough, is something i doubt I'll forget anytime soon. In fact, there's several images in this film that will be burned on my brain for quite some time.

Needless to say this film is not for everyone. For most straight males just seeing gay sex is enough to make us feel uncomfortable, let alone where one is trying to eat the other in a sexually demented way. Castration is another topic we'd rather not think about, especially when it involves watching another man fry up our severed manhood and eat it before our eyes. I honestly can't believe I could sit through the whole thing, and thinking about it reminds me of the first time i watched Cannibal Holocaust and Faces of Death. Shameful, that's how i feel. Check it out if you hate yourself.

Gore-high

Nudity-high

Overall - 7/10

Exorcist III (1990) 7/10

We all know that The Exorcist is one of the greatest horror films ever made. We also know that the Exorcist II is one of the worst. I've tried watching that one on several occasions and can never finish it. Understandably i've stayed away from all other films in the series because of it. About a year ago i read William Peter Blatty's Legion which is what the film is based on. The film is also directed by Blatty and the screenplay was written by him too. Since the book was good and since Blatty had so much control i decided to give it a shot.

The Exorcist III takes place about 15 years after the original film and bodies are starting to turn up that mimic the killing pattern of the executed gemini killer. Enter detective Kinderman from The Exorcist, this time played by George C. Scott, to solve the case. His sleuthing leads him to a hospital where a mental patient that looks exactly like the murdered priest from the original film starts to tell him details about the killings that no one knows.

The film is beautifully photographed with an elegance rarely seen in horror films. The pacing is slow but the scares are great and the third act is amazing. Well acted, written, and directed, I'm surprised this film is more often spoken about in horror circles. It even features Chucky himself, Brad Dourif. I will say however, it is nothing like the Exorcist. More then anything the film just features the same characters dealing with another supernatural occurance. The film isn't the second coming of the Exorcist and originally it was going to be called Legion, not The Exorcist III.

So, if you like well acted, well directed, atmospheric horror films and have a bit of patience, check it out, just don't expect anything like The Exorcist, because you won't get it here.

Gore-none

Nudity-none

Overall - 7/10

The Entity (1981) 6/10

During the post Exorcist ghost craze of the late 70's and early 80's there was a slew of unremarkable possession/haunting films that every studio was throwing at the horror audience. The Entity is a unique film in its subject matter that will always keep it from being lost in the shuffle. What could this unique story be? Well, we are talking about the early 80's height of nihilism and brutality so of course its about ghost rape. Yup. You read right.

The Entity is based on a true story about a single mother that moves into a new home with her 3 children only to be repeatedly beaten and violated by a group of ghosts inhabiting her home. She calls upon the help of a psychiatrist that thinks she's crazy and a group of paranormal investigators. Their solution? Make a model of the house and hook up some liquid nitrogen hoses so when the ghost appears they can freeze it?!

Stylistically the film mirrors any other typical low budget horror flick made at the time but they went so far as to create fake breasts and the illusion of hands unseen fondling them! Yeah the director decided to leave nothing to imagination. The rapes are graphic and highly disturbing. The realism is pretty damn grisly. The film runs at a slow pace but given the subject matter the slow burn works well. The attacks increase in frequency and ferocity as the film progresses and the films pace needs to be on the slow side to give it time to build the tension. The acting is pretty good here but as i mentioned before stylistically the film is bland. There is no conclusion to the film either. The family just decides to move away and we're told that they still experienced attacks but were less frequent, just like the ending of the original Amityville film.

The Entity is not for the faint of heart or easily offended. The attacks are brutal and graphic, and pretty damn frightening too. For fans of 80's sleaze and exorcist rip offs.

Gore-none

Nudity-medium

Overall - 6/10

The Rage (2007) 4/10

The Rage is directed by Robert Kurtzman of KNB effects fame and director of Wishmaster. I really like wish master in all its cheesy glory because there was a film unafraid to be gory in a time in the 90s when gore was looked down upon in mainstream films. I didn't have high hopes for The Rage but I thought it would at least be fun. Sadly it isn't.

The Rage is about a mad scientist that creates a "rage" virus that he plans to unleash upon the earth, and then save the earth with an antidote, thus becoming the worlds biggest hero. Of course he becomes infected and the virus gets out infecting the locals of a small forest town. How will a bunch of incredibly annoying and unrealistic college kids save the day?

The professor is played by the Wishmaster himself Andrew Divoff and he's the only reason to watch the film. He's a great horror guy and it's a shame he was never given a fair shake. He could have been the next Robert Englund, but I digress. Once again here's a film that could have been good if the main characters were tolerable. They're not. We've got the token black guy, the jock, the slut, the prep, the nerd. Bland city. Of course they don't get along and they spend most of the film arguing. Sure there's tons of gore in the film, i wouldn't expect anything less but the gore aint that great. See, Kurtzman didn't do the gore. He hired someone else to do it. Its ok, but i was expecting some KNB status stuff. I guess the film was so low budget he couldn't afford himself to do the gore! The plot is a bit slow and by the end i just didn't give a damn about anything that was happening. Perhaps in about 10 years this will be re-released as a hidden gem and age will look fondly on the movie as so many overlooked horror flicks from the 80's are now. I'm sure no one cared about The Burning when it came out but looking back, its actually really good. Who knows.

In the end The Rage is bland and follows a path traveled far to many times. Bummer.

Gore-high

Nudity-mild

Overall - 4/10

Corpse Mania (1981) 7/10

Back in high school I used to love cheesy kung fu flicks. Still do, but its been a while since i've made the time to check any out. My favorite studio was, and still is, Shaw Brothers. During their initial run they made hundreds of great kung fu flicks in all their cheesy glory. Until recently I thought all they did was kung fu, apparently they dabbled in horror too and Corpse Mania is one of em.

After a man's wife dies he decides to keep her in his house and make love to her corpse and stay with her always. He gets caught and flees and has become obsessed with sleeping with the dead. When a string of prostitutes are found murdered and raped Inspector Chang is called on the case to find the necrophiliac.

Corpse Mania is certainly has the most disgusting plot i've ever seen in a shaw film. Gone are the epic fight scenes and crazy weapons. No sorcerers or kung fu masters. Just a gritty thriller that borders on the perverse. We never see our killer befouling the dead, thank god, but we do see him caressing and fondling the dead. The film also sports a few graphic gore scenes as well, and the effects are pretty impressive. The pace of the film is quick enough and the directing is quite good for the grindhouse. Vibrant colors are found throughout, the influence of Italian giallos is clearly seen.

Surprisingly dark and creepy this pre-cat III Chinese horror flick is a wonderful surprise coming from the Shaw Brothers. Check it out if you dig extreme Chinese cinema like Dr. Lamb or to get a peek at the other side of Shaw Brothers Studios.

Gore-medium

Nudity-medium

Overall - 7/10

The Vanguard (2008) 6/10

I'm always on the search for that new indie horror gem. I have to sift through quite a few crapfests, as any reader of this blog can attest to, but every now and then I find something really interesting. The Vanguard is one of these films.

Set in the future evil corporations have created the ultimate soldier called biosyns. The problem is that the biosyns are basically zombies and their plague can be spread. Enter human slave soldiers sent to wipe out every biosyn before they wipe out humanity. One lone non-slave human has survived in the wilderness surrounded by biosyns due to a genetic immunity. A rebel slave soldier finds this sole survivor and realizes his immunity is the hope for mankind. Now he must get this survivor to the authorities before the biosyns get them, and before the slave soldiers find the rebel and kill him for rebelling. Whew, quite a complicated plot huh?

The problem with the Vanguard is that the story is very complicated, but the plot isnt. We have to sit through a huge opening monologue to explain the story, but then the plot is really simple. Guy in woods fights zombies. He's immune to the plague. Now he must get to the authorities to save the human race from infection. That's really it. But instead we have to learn about Biosyns and evil corporations, wars, soldiers, conditioning camps etc. Its way too much back story for a simple film. That said the film does work well. Good action scenes that are competently choreographed, decent acting, and beautiful post color saturation.

The film is short and sweet and works well, especially given the limited budget. They're not reinventing the wheel here but doing something new with an old idea, and doing it well.

Gore-medium

Nudity- none

Overall - 6/10

Terror Train (1980) 4/10

After seeing Halloween and The Fog I figured a horror flick with Jamie Lee Curtis is a safe bet. After Prom Night, I reconsidered. With Terror Train, I'm wondering if she even read the script.

A mean spirited college prank sends a student to the loony bin, but when he gets out, he only has one thing on his mind. Revenge. The pranksters rent a train and have a big graduation party, but the loony killer has snuck on and starts picking them off one by one.

I had high hopes for this one. On many top 20 slasher lists, Terror Train has quite a reputation. A reputation undeserved. Moderately acted and blandly directed there's nothing here for a horror fan to really sink his fangs into. No real gore to speak of, irritating characters, a slow boring pace, and way too much David Copperfield cameos. Yeah, that David Copperfield. Silly magicians that take themselves too seriously do not a horror film make. The film is utterly forgettable in every way. Next.

Gore-very mild

Nudity- none

Overall - 4/10

Mother of Tears (2007) 5/10

I love Dario Argento. I especially love Susperia. He was the first Italian horror director i got into and through his films i gained an appreciation for giallos and have since looked deeper into the genre and had a ton of fun while doing it. Even though the guy hasn't done anything good in about two decades I still had high hopes for the conclusion of the three mothers trilogy started by Susperia. I heard it was terrible but wouldn't believe it. How could the master of Italian horror's film be bad? Very, that's how.

Mother of Tears is about an ancient coffin found in the graveyard of a small church. The coffin is sent to a museum where once opened it unlocks unspeakable evil. Now the archaeologist, played by Dario's daughter Asia Argento, is being hunted by a cult of supernatural worshippers that are after the secrets found within the coffin. At least I think that's what the film is about.

To say the film is a mess is an understatement. Personally I had a hard time following just what the hell was going on. Perhaps repeat viewings would help unlock the film's mysteries much like Susperia, but unlike Susperia, its not worth watching more then once. The film lacks almost all of the wonderful style that Argento is known for. I'm guessing he didn't want to make a film with a dated look and instead made his film like any other director would. The lack of style here is only trumped by the lack of acting ability. Every actor here does a terrible job. There is indeed gore, but after reading all the articles leading up to the films release, i was thinking we were going to have the second coming of Dead Alive. Nope. A few gross out scenes and that's about it. The story itself isn't easily understood nor is it easily enjoyed.

Mother Of Tears is strictly for hardcore Argento fans. If you haven't seen any of his work, start with Susperia, Opera, Deep Red, or The Bird With The Crystal Plumage.

Gore-medium

Nudity-mild

Overall - 5/10

Sundown: The Vampire In Retreat (1990) 7/10

Like many horror fans, I love Bruce Campbell. I cut my horror teeth on Army Of Darkness and eventually discovered Evil Dead 1 & 2 which led me deeper down the rabbits hole. Ever since that time as wee child i knew that Sundown: The Vampire In Retreat existed. I searched high and low but couldn't find it anywhere. It was impossible to find on ebay since it was in its infancy and no local rental places had it in stock. Fast forward to a few months ago, out of nowhere, the film is finally released on dvd. Was it worth the wait? Yes.

Sundown is about a small town in the middle of nowhere that serves as a haven for a group of vampires. Shedding their homicidal behaviour they get their blood through a complicated process that creates artificial blood. Now they can finally live in peace and no longer have to hunt by night and live hand to mouth. The problem? Some of the vampires are bored and want to go back to the old ways so they sabotage the machine and prepare for war.

The film is wonderfully silly and light hearted and a true pleasure to watch. The general atmosphere is akin to aforementioned Army Of Darkness. Now, Bruce Campbell plays a fairly small role here. He plays the great great great grandnephew of Van Helsing. David Carradine plays the head vampire and there's a slew of character actors that round out the rest of the cast. The pacing is great and although the film is on the long side it doesn't feel long. The production value is very high here as well. The film was shot in stunning 35mm film using cranes and aerial shots, jibs, dolly shots, you name its probably represented here. The film was actually shot in muab Utah so the scenery is truly a feast for the eyes as well.

Sundown: The Vampire in Retreat is a breath of fresh air in a time where nihilism, hyper violence and cynicism are the norm in the horror world. Its so refreshing to see a well acted, beautifully directed horror film that's light hearted and fun. This is a must see for Bruce Campbell fans and fans of comedy/horror films in general.

Gore-mild

Nudity- none

Overall - 7/10

13: Game of Death (2006) 8/10

It seems that Dimension Extreme predominately releases foreign horror flicks that are just bland enough to appeal to a broad audience so they can rake it in. 13: Game Of Death is not one of these flicks.

13: Game of Death is a Thai film about a guy who's lost his beautiful girlfriend, his job, and his money. He needs a miracle. What he gets is a new reality game show ala fear factor, but gone horribly wrong. There are 13 tasks he must complete, each level earning him more money but each subsequent level being more and more illegal and inhuman. If he fails or quits he loses all he's won and if he tells anyone he automatically loses. Tasks include eating a plate of feces, physically assaulting a stranger, killing an innocent dog, the list goes on.

What we have here is an intelligent film that exposes our global culture of greed and exploitation for the sake of entertainment. Reality shows like Flavor Of Love and its numerous spinoffs encourage contestants to be greedier, meaner, sluttier, and more conniving then anyone else. Lying, cheating, backstabbing and black mailing are the order of the day. The cesspool of reality television, whether it be on cable or on a network, is getting filthier all the time. It's so refreshing to see a film that examines this trend and exposes it for all its society destroying influence. The film is very well acted and the script is fast paced and engrossing. Each time he's asked to do something terrible for a heap of money the director asks us, where would we draw the line? How far is too far, and I think thats wonderful. The film pushes our buttons, but for a reason. It's not just another Hostel clone gross out fest. There's real thought behind it. The film is masterfully directed with great production value and believable sets. Step aside pang brothers, theres a new horror director in Thailand that puts you guys to shame.

Horror films can be insightful, poignant and intelligent. They don't all have to be remake crapfests. Its films like 13: Game of Death that make me truly love the horror genre head and shoulders above any other film genre. Do yourself a favor, rent this flick, if you've got the stomach for it that is.

Gore - medium

Nudity-none

Overall - 8/10

Cannibal Terror (1981) 5/10

Cannibal Terror was one of the rarest of all the Video Nasties banned in the 80s in England. I've watched somewhere in the neighborhood of about 65 of the original 74 nasties and whenever another one comes out I have to see it. I'm not so sure this one was so essential.

Cannibal Terror, a Spanish film, is about a group of criminals that decide to kidnap a little girl and hide out at one of their rich friend's houses and wait for the ransom. When the guys decide to rape their friend's wife he unleashes a cannibal tribe on them just as the parents of the little girl arrive to take her back by force. I didn't know there were cannibal tribes in Spain but go figure, you learn something new every day.

So the film is pretty much garbage. Terrible acting, washed out colors, despite attempts to restore the film to some degree by the publishing company, unconvincing makeup and very little gore. Hey, sounds like Jess Franco's Cannibal! There are a few hilariously bad lines in the film and what few scenes of gore there are, are actually pretty graphic. Lots of butcher shop offal covered in red food die stuck into a pretty convincing human carcass. The pacing is terribly slow and the ending drags on for what seems like hours. Obviously the director had to make a 90 minute movie regardless of how short the script was.

Nothing really amazing here, typical early 80's eurosleaze. Its worth checking out for cannibal film aficionados and Video Nasty completists, otherwise check out cannibal ferox and zombie holocaust for better cannibal gut munching action.

Gore-medium

Nudity-some

Overall - 5/10

Just Before Dawn (1981) 5/10

Just Before Dawn is yet another film in the slasher in the woods sub genre that dominated 1980-1982. Given its notoriously grisly reputation, Just Before Dawn didn't meet my expectations.

Here we go again, by the numbers kids go to camp out in the woods to have sex and do drugs but are stalked and killed by a freak/monster/killer/psycho family. Nothing new here.

Even though the film features academy award winning actor George Kennedy most of the acting here sucks, including his. My guess is '81 was a lean year for the Cool Hand Luke alumni. All the gore here is off camera and since the acting blows, i didn't really care about the characters untimely demises. The killers themselves were a fairly creepy blend of hillbilly redneck and mentally retarded misfit but nothing really out of the ordinary. The directing is bland and the pacing is about par for the style and time it was made in. Nothing new, nothing terrible.

Just Before Dawn is nothing of real merit, just another slasher in the woods flick. If thats your thing, check it out, but make sure you see The Burning first. Thats a much better addition to the sub-genre.

Gore-mild

Nudity-mild

Overall - 5/10

The Fall (2007) 9/10

The Fall was directed by Tarsim, the same guy that brought us the almost-great film The Cell. With strong visuals and a crappy script, The Cell could have been amazing, unfortunately it just became a curiosity. The Fall firmly plants Tarsim as a director to watch with a script deserving of his unique style.

The Fall is set in the early 1900's in a hospital. A wounded stuntman sits and wishes for death until a little girl with a broken arm finds him and asks for a story. Figuring he can gain her confidence and get her to bring him enough pills to finally do himself in, he begins to tell an amazing allegorical story of epic proportions.

The Fall, as with The Cell, is beautifully directed. Amazing sets, vibrant colors, extravagant costumes, mystery, action, romance, fantasy creatures, this one's got it all. A kaleidoscopic journey through the man's painful life as told through a fable. Tarsim masterfully draws us into the epic while also pulling us back to reality to draw us closer to the characters, making both plots so much richer and meaningful. Truly an amazing piece of cinema that slipped below most people's radar last year, much like The Fountain did the year before. Powerfully written, masterfully directed, and well acted this is a film all movie aficionados should check out.

Overall - 9/10

Curdled (1996) 6/10

Once again i've rented a flick from the rue-morgue horror 101 list of unknown gems. Curdled is not a film i would consider a gem, but toy jewelry.

Produced by none other then Quinton Tarintino at the height of his post-pulp fiction popularity, Curdled is about a woman obsessed with death and murder. She gets a job cleaning up crime scenes and discovers that one of her clients was murdered by a notorious serial killer. She becomes obsessed with the house and tries to figure out how and why the serial killer did his victims in, only she's not alone in the house. The killer is still there, watching her every move!

The film plays as a black comedy and all the murders are grotesquely funny. The director goes out of his way to make the lead character likeable, understandable and harmless. We don't see her as a freak or a pervert, just curious. The characters are watchable and the acting is pretty good as well as the direction. All the gore and murder is off camera which is disappointing given the subject matter. Nothing in any department that truly stands out though. The problem with the film is that the pacing is terrible. Our lead actress only meets the killer in the last 15 minutes of the film and its too little too late. The film feels like it has a short first act, an unbearably long second act, and a much too short third act. That being said it was amusing but not worth going too far out of your way to check it out.

Gore - none

Nudity - none

Overall - 6/10

Exte: Hair Extensions (2006) 6/10

So, I've been pretty burnt on Japanese films for quite a while now. I watched way too many of em and simply lost my appetite for them. A few months ago I watched Sion Sono's Suicide Club and really liked it. When I heard he had another film coming out, a film about killer hair extensions, I knew I had to check it out.

Exte: Hair Extensions is about an unknown cadaver thats found and transported to the local morgue. The mortician cuts off all her hair to sell as hair extensions and finds that her hair still grows even after death! In fact, the more he cuts the more it grows! Enter a hair salon that the man sells his wears to and the hair begins to have a mind of its own, killing its wearers. How can they stop the blood thirsty hair before it grows more and takes over the world?

Exte: Hair Extensions has the type of bizarre plot that we've come to expect from Japan. I was sold on the idea immediately. The film is very beautifully directed with warm colors and nice camera set ups. The problem is there isn't really that much hair killing action. Most of the film is dedicated to a subplot involving one of the hair dressers, her sister and her sister's daughter. See the daughter is getting abused and neglected so the hair dresser takes the girl in and teaches her how to enjoy life. The crazy hair extensions take a back seat to the melodrama here and really, crazy hair killing is what i signed up for. Not a mushy movie about a dysfunctional family. When the hair killing happens its very well done with a mix of cgi and practical effects that seem pretty damn realistic. There just isn't enough of it for me.

In the end Exte: Hair Extensions has a very unique plot but in its execution almost comes off more as a melodrama between family members then a blood thirsty hair killing b-movie. Its a pretty good film, but not great, because of it.

Gore-mild

Nudity-none

Overall - 6/10

Fingerprints (2006) 4/10

When one of the selling points for Fingerprints was that it starred a girl from MTV's Laguna Beach, I should have known this would blow. Should have...but didn't.

Fingerprints is a ghost story of sorts about a high school girl Melinda who moves to a small town. The local legend says that a group of kids were riding in a school bus when the bus got stuck on railroad tracks just as a train came and of course killed them all. To this day if you let your car get stuck on the tracks the ghosts of the little kids will push you car into safety. When Melinda's friends start dying under strange circumstances she sets out to find the truth about the legend and about the murders.

Let me begin by saying I am obviously not the person this film was marketed to. It has a cast of cute teenage kids straight from day time television trying to dig into a myth Nancy Drew style. The film oozes its intent to draw in teen girls, and teen girl I am not. From the soft lighting to the ridiculously unfair portrayal of Melinda's parents, to the teen relationship melodrama, to the medium dose of gore. Wait....what? Gore? In a teeny bob movie? Yup. Totally out of place and unnecessary there is indeed a handful of pretty gory sequences. Maybe its to draw in a few teeny boyfriends to sit down and watch the film as well? I don't know. All I can say is that the gore feels totally out of place here, as out of place as I felt watching it. Beyond the fact that the film obviously wasn't made for my demographic the script here is terrible. Sure its got bad dialogue and a beyond mind numbingly terrible ending but the actions of the characters as well as the whole structure of the film are terrible. Hell it's even revealed that there was no train accident in the town. So why do the kids push the cars over the tracks? There's plenty of giant holes like this in the film and by the end of the picture it's almost completely unraveled. Overall the film feels pretty bland as well. The lighting is boring as are the shot setups.

Fingerprints is a bland film obviously made for the teen market but with poorly done and questionably placed gore that seems to be the odd piece of the puzzle that doesn't fit. The script is very poorly written and the acting is bad. Next.

Gore-mild/medium

Nudity-mild

Overall - 4/10

Inglorious Bastards (1978) 8/10

I randomly stumbled upon Inglorious Bastards while trawling amazon.com for new releases. I'm glad I did, because Inglorious Bastards is damn good.

Set during WWII a group of military prisoners whose crimes range from deserting the front lines to murder, are being transported from a base to the brig. During their transport the convoy is attacked by a German war plane killing most of the prisoners and guards. Now the prisoners are out on their own. Their own countrymen hate them and want them dead, and the enemy is all around them. Now they must fight their way to the Switzerland border to escape the war all the while finding themselves behind enemy lines and from one bad situation to another.

Inglorious Bastards takes a familiar theme found in more notable films like the Dirty Dozen and Kelly's Hero's and stands tall among them. Filled with great action, a fun script, and memorable characters, I couldn't help but have a blast watching it. An Italian film with American actors it fits the spaghetti western mold perfectly. Staring Bo Stevenson and Fred Williamson that acting is pretty damn good too. Who doesn't love a rag tag group of guys smashing Nazis? Its cinema gold. It's been a while since I've watched any war films but the strength of this film has renewed my interested in the genre, so look for more war reviews in the future. I highly recommend this fun, interesting, manly movie!

Gore-mild

Nudity-mild

Overall - 8/10

Us Sinners (2008) 7/10

There's nothing like a microbudget horror film done right. Its a rare breed, but it does exist. Us Sinners is one of those films.

Us Sinners is about a socially inept man named Tim. Tim works for an office cleaning company by day, and by night trawls the streets looking for prostitutes to lure and slaughter. Living with an overbearing mother and mocked at work Tim is the perfect example of how serial killers are born.

Taking its ques from such films as Maniac and Henry, Us Sinners is certainly a disturbing ride. Filled with intense scenes acted surprisingly well considering the lack of budget the film is at times difficult to watch. The actor playing Tim did a great job of creating a simultaneously feeble and nervous character as well as dangerous and frightening. Remember that weird kid in school that always got picked on that you thought might be building bombs in his basement? That's Tim. Competently directed and fairly well paced, I never found myself bored and I cared about the characters throughout. Tim starts out as a killer but continues to spiral out of control as the film progresses, making an interesting if disturbing ride. There does seem to be a strange obsession with feces throughout the film with a few scenes involving Tim's mother forcing him to go drop one. I guess its just another level of control that the mother exerts over her son. The logline of the film, "The carnal climax is so disturbing it will leave you breathless," is indeed true. I won't give it away here but it pushes the film up and out of the generic serial killer realm.

Working with a very limited budget the director George Snow is able to create an interesting and disturbing film that certainly shocked this viewer with a rather explosive ending. If you get the chance, check it out. Mr. Snow may be onto something here and may be a new talent to keep your eye on.

Gore-medium

Nudity-mild

Overall - 7/10

Home Sick (2003) 4/10

To me, Home Sick came out of nowhere. I was unfamiliar with the producer and director but apparently these guys have established themselves with quite a rep. The director has done several features including Pop Skull and the producer worked with Tobe Hooper on Mortuary. Home Sick is a long way from Mortuary and its easy to see why it took years to get this out on dvd finally.

Home Sick is about a group of 20 somethings hanging out at a party of sorts when a strange man toting a briefcase full of razor blades enters, played by bill mosely, and asks them all who they hate. When one party goer says everyone the blood soon starts to flow as all the friends start to drop one by one. Who's the killer and why?

Home Sick is very roughly put together. Its the first feature after the film makers graduated from school and it shows. The script is at times hard to follow and seems to be at the rough draft stage. The film limps along from one contrived scene to the next with no reality or believability. Horror films are supposed to be unreal but when the motivations and actions of the characters make no sense it's really hard to care. The acting is terrible, feeling more like a bunch of friends making a monster movie rather then professional actors. The directing is rough with boring setups and poorly lit scenes. The gore is amateurish at best. The lighting could have hid this but instead the director of photography decided to put a spot light on most of em making the gore look that much cheesier.

In short, there's nothing here worth watching. Sure its got Bill Mosely, for about 4 minutes, and Tom Towles, for about 7 minutes but that's about it. Honestly they only make the rest of the actors look that much worse. I suppose its a good effort for the first film out, but there's really no excuse for a bad script. Scriptwriting costs nothing but time.

Gore-medium

Nudity-mild

Overall - 4/10

Amityville II: The Possesion (1982) 6/10

Continuing with my pursuit of the Amityvlle films we have the second installment, Amityville 2.

Amityvlle II takes place after the first film with yet another family moving in only to discover the house is filled with an evil atmosphere that takes over the family. The husband immediately becomes abusive and the son begins to eyeball his sister. The mother becomes hysterical and the kids experience poltergeist activity. How will this family survive?

In a word, they don't. See this films director, writer, and cinematographer are all Italian. It being essentially an Italian film made in the early 80's of course its bound to push boundaries. The overt and prevalent spousal abuse, the incest, and the brutal killing of the entire family all point to the Italian influence. Of course it would be useless to tread the same ground as the original so the film makers decided to up the ante. The houses influence begins as soon as the family steps inside and leaves no time for any suspense or tension to be built. Bang! The wife gets slapped by the husband and so it begins. The exorcist movies were doing well at this time so half the film mimics an extreme version of the first amityville and the last half mimics the exorcist films. See the son is possessed by the house and speaks with a different voice and acts to destroy the family. Sounds familiar right? The films acting is pretty good, though no where near the original film. The direction is competent but lacks the tension filled pacing of the original.

At the end of the day Amityville II: The Possession is a film that is poorly paced and suffers from a lack of suspense because of it. It tries to make up for it with being more extreme and adding in a bit of the Exorcist for good measure but ends up feeling rushed and uneven. A fun film but lacks the seriousness and grace of its predecessor.

Gore-mild

Nudity-mild

Overall - 6/10

Hanzo The Razor: Sword Of Justice (1972) 7/10

There was a time in my life when Samurai were totally interesting and very cool. I've grown older, learned more about the real samurai way and frankly the romanticized films lost their luster. That being said I do check out samurai films every now and then, especially when there's a new or different twist on a familiar theme. Hanzo The Razor is a very different samurai that not only uses his blade, but his tool and I'm not talking about a wrench.

Hanzo The Razor is about a rouge lawman that refuses to succumb to the corruption that prevails in his colleagues. When he finds out his dirty boss and a criminal share the same mistress he sets out to discover what the connection is and expose his boss for the unscrupulous cad he truly is.

Beautifully directed and choreographed much in the same vein as the Lone Wolf and Cub aka shogun assassin series Hanzo the Razor delivers visually. The film is from 1972 but looks like it could have been made yesterday. The badass lawman is a familiar character and here is played very satisfyingly with Hanzo bending the rules and using a very firm hand to get the information he seeks. He also uses a very firm...penis. Yes, that's right. When interrogating beautiful female suspects he uses his phallus to get the information. Using a variety of techniques it all boils down to Hanzo being a sex machine that the women can't help but spill their guts to. The film treads on thin ground here since none of the women want to have sex with Hanzo. Yup, he pretty much rapes them, and halfway through they decide that they can't get enough and will give any information Hanzo wants as long as he doesn't stop. So apparently Japanese women in Feudal Japan love to be raped but a man who's hung. It's played totally ridiculously and the whole film has an unrealistic feel to it. This isn't the gritty realism found in the yakuza papers films. Its fantasy, albeit ethically shaky fantasy.

Hanzo The Razor: Sword of Justice is the first film of a trilogy and I would gladly check out the other two. The film is fun and over the top with a twisty script and a hard boiled attitude. Take out the penis interrogation and you still have a satisfying entertaining film, it just pushes the film into a more unique realm that few films reach.

Gore- mild/medium

Nudity - medium

Overall - 7/10

Amityville (1979) 8/10

Amityville. I remember as a kid going to the local mom & pop video rental store, and seeing the countless Amityville films. Amityvlle 3-d, Amityvlle Doll House, Amityville Its About Time, and all the others. I've seen the original in bits and pieces on t.v. of course, but I had never actually sat down and watched the whole film. Given the slew of sequels, and the recent remake, I decided to finally dip into the Amytiville franchise, starting with the original.

Amityville for those who have been living in a cave under a rock, is about a spooky house of notorious history. In real life a family moved into the home and the owner's son killed the whole family one night with a rifle. So, the film takes place after this true-life event. Once again a family moves in but all is not well. The father, played by James Brolin starts to become paranoid, agitated and irritable, and possibly homicidal. The mother realizes something evil is in the home and invites a priest to come cleanse it, but the house won't let the priest do his cleansing, striking him blind. How can the family survive in a house soaked with evil?

Amityville is filled with strong acting and strong directing. James Brolin especially does a superb job at playing a slowly deteriorating man that was once strong and good. We feel for him as he becomes increasingly frightening, and we feel for the family as well. It's very hard to make a dangerous character likeable and still have him be frightening and realistic. The priests all do a wonderful job here as well. The film oozes a creepy atmosphere that builds effectively throughout the film. The only problem here is that the director never pulls the trigger. We sit and watch the tension build and then suddenly the family decides to leave the house before any serious danger is dealt.

So, the ending is a bit anti-climactic but the rest of the film is so carefully crafted and produced that it makes up for it's shortcoming. Here is a film that deserves to have a slew of sequels. Nearly 30 years old and it still instills a feeling of fear and suspense rarely seen today.

Gore-mild

Nudity-none

Overall - 8/10

Fangoria Blood Drive II (2005) 6/10

I used to have a subscription to Fangoria until they decided to give me terrible customer service, that being said, I still dig the magazine. Having seen the first blood drive collection, I decided to see if this was as mediocre or perhaps an improvement. Mediocre is still the work to describe this series.

The Blood Drive series is a collection of horror shorts from around the country displaying a variety of ideas, executions, and sadly a variety of quality.

Once again, like the first blood drive, the collection is a mixed bag. The first and last shorts are actually quite good, about an avenging ghost and the job from hell respectively but also included are a few totally amateurish shorts that look like they had very little development even less talent. There's nothing wrong with having a low budget, especially for a short. But if I'm half way through a short I shouldn't be bored already. A director should be able to keep my attention for at least 10 minutes.

Check it out if you love short horror, but this one's a rental hands down.

Gore- varies

Nudity - none

Overall - 6/10

An American Crime (2008) 8/10

Recently, I read The Girl Next Door by Jack Ketchum. A brutal book about childhood torture loosely based upon a true story. After the release of the film version of the book I discovered that a film based directly on the original true events was being produced. An American Crime is that film.

Staring the new "it" girl Ellen Page of Juno and Hard Candy fame, An American Crime is about two young girls left to live with their neighbor's family while their parents travel with their carnival booth. The girls soon discover that not all is right in this seemingly normal household as punishments met upon the girls by the mother of the household become increasingly brutal and abusive. Even the neighborhood children get in on the punishment, punishments that include kicking, punching, burning, branding and strangling and imprisonment.

An American Crime is a brutal, brutal film. Its expertly directed and acted making the onscreen drama palpable and almost unbearable to watch. Due to the graphic nature of the film this dark drama borders on the horror side of things without an ounce of exploitation or humor. Grim is a good word for this film. Set in the mid 1960's the film captures the era perfectly, transporting the audience to a simpler time when neighbors didn't get into each other's business allowing atrocities like this to occur. My reviews can testify to the fact that I love brutal horror, the gorier and crazier the better, but even I had a hard time watching this one. In fact I had to look away a couple of times when the torture and drama became all too real. Given the A-list cast and superior direction it's a mystery why this film wasn't at least released in limited theatres. The film has been buried by its distributor in fact. No commercials, no online ads. Just a quiet release. My guess is due to the shocking subject matter and the realistic way in which it was presented the distributor was afraid of public outrage upon its release.

An American Crime is a brave lightening rod of a film that is as shocking as it is realistic. Given the fact that it's based on true events makes it all the more chilling. Check it out, but be forewarned, this is not a pleasant film to watch.

Overall - 8/10

Wizard of Gore (2007) 5/10

When I found out that H.G. Lewis' The Wizard of Gore was being remade with Crispin Glover playing the role of Montag the Magnificent, I knew I had to check it out.

The film's script is based on the original film but doesn't copy it exactly. An underground newspaper writer who specializes in the seedy fetish scene in Los Angeles gets invited to witness a special performance of Montag The Magnificent, an extreme magician who's show involves the brutal killing of a volunteer only to have them re-appear unharmed. The volunteers are found the next day after the performance dead from wounds that mirror the illusion created by Montag. Who's killing these girls is such a grisly manner and why does the writer keep having nightmares that mimic the killings?

The original film was loaded with gore but crudely assembled with terrible acting and shoddy camera work. The remake tries to rectify this by heaping on the style and taking the original simple script and making it more complex. A wide color palette is used here that takes its ques from early Italian Gialli but with less skill. Many of the shots are so dimly lit that the HD video looks grainy and the subject is almost impossible to see. This effect comes off as accidental rather then intentional and honestly makes the film hard to watch, when the viewer can't even see what's going on in the damn scene! Most of the acting here is pretty good, except the main character. Why the director would invest money in small characters being played by competent actors but skimping on the guy we follow throughout the whole movie, i'll never know. Crispin Glover's performance is pretty damn good but don't expect a confident powerful character as found in the original. No, Crispin delivers a psychotic performance thats more akin to Willard then the original Montag. Oddly enough the gore isn't as plentiful as in the original. I don't know why you would re-make a film with Gore in the title and not try to out-do the original. Sure there's gore but for the most part it's shot from afar lessening it's gruesome impact. The close-up gore effects is part of what made the original so legendary and it's sorely missed here. The biggest problem with the film is the convoluted and confusing script. I really enjoy bizarre films, especially David Lynch's special brand of weird. His films give the impression that theres so much more going on just below the surface and if you look closely you'll figure it out. This film tries to explore our perceptions of reality and how they can be affected but instead just becomes confusing, and not in a fun way as in Lynch films. Here it just comes off as irritating and pretentious. In fact thats a pretty good description of the film.

Somehow the director took a simple schlocky film and turned it into pseudo noir that oozes pretension and disdain for the horror genre. It's almost as if the director felt he was above making a horror film and wanted to make something special but lacked the imagination and skill to do so.

Nudity-mild/medium

Gore - medium

Overall - 5/10

Rogue (2007) 8/10

When Wolf Creek the horror community was stunned. Here was this Australian torture film that outdid all of our efforts. It was beautiful and it was brutal. When i found out that director Greg Mclean was going to do a giant crocodile film next I was onboard immediately. Why the Weinsteins shelved this only to stick it out on dvd without so much as a commercial I'll never know. Greg Mclean has made another wonderful film, Alligator this is not.

Rogue is set in the Australian northern territory where few humans live. Enter the American travel writer and a band of tourists visiting a beautiful river filled with creatures. After invading a giant rogue crocodile's territory their boat is attacked and they have to seek refuge on a tiny tidal island. Now they must get off the island before the tide comes in and covers it in water. How will they escape the crocodile's fury?

The first 20 minutes of the film play like a love letter to Australia. Wonderful helicopter and macro shots show us a wonderful land teeming with unique life. Normally I hate movies that don't get down to business quickly but in this case the cinematography is just too beautiful to ignore. Once the action starts it doesn't let up. The acting is great as well as the directing and the script is actually interesting. I say actually because let's face it, when was the last giant animal on the loose movie actually good? The croc itself is very frightening and very believable. They used a mix of animatronics and cgi and the blend works miracles here. I was constantly surprised at how realistic the creature looked and moved. The animators obviously spent alot of time studying the movement of crocs because not once did the animation not ring true. This is coming from a guy that used to be obsessed with the Crocodile Hunter, may he rest in peace, and still watch animal planet all the time.

Rogue is a great animal on the loose film of the highest caliber. I can't recommend this enough. Its fun, fast paced, and believable. It doesn't reinvent the wheel but does an animal movie the way it should be done.

Nudity-none

Gore-mild

Overall - 8/10